Will I Feel Guilty if I Place My Baby for Adoption?
By Elle Kerrigan
Uncertainty plays a large role in considering adoption. Many women wonder if they will feel guilty if they place a baby for adoption. You may have heard the term “giving up a baby for adoption.” While this is a common phrase, it implies that you are giving something up when choosing adoption. This is not true. You made the best decision for yourself and your child with the situation you were given. An unplanned pregnancy is a tough circumstance to experience, and you deserve to be regarded with empathy. Your decision may not have been easy, and it’s possible that guilt may accompany it. However, guilt can be worked through and is not an indication that you made the wrong decision.
If you need adoption help now, please call or text us at 303-670-4673 (HOPE) or visit us at Adoption Choices of Colorado.
Is it Normal to Feel Guilty After Placing a Baby for Adoption?
You are not alone in wondering if you will feel guilty after placing a baby for adoption. It is completely normal to worry about how the adoption will make you feel. The adoption process can be emotionally draining for the birth mother. There are many reasons why a woman may experience adoption guilt. For one, adoption can often have a negative connotation surrounding it. Those who have not experienced it themselves may speak about it with a narrow perspective, making birth mothers feel guilty. Additionally, it is common for guilt to be present in any big decision that requires a lot of thinking. You know that placing your baby for adoption is not a simple task. You may have spent a long time considering your options when you found out you were pregnant, possibly going back and forth between choices. It is only human to wonder what would have happened if you had chosen another path or whether or not you made the right decision. The important thing to remember is that dwelling on this will only cause more harm. There are strategies to cope with adoption guilt that we recommend here at Adoption Choices of Colorado.
Ways to Cope with Adoption Emotions
- Reach out: Reaching out for support is always a good idea. As a birth mother, you have support through resources like Adoption Choices of Colorado. If you choose adoption in Colorado, you can speak to one of our counselors at any time about your feelings. You may also find support through speaking with your adoptive family if you chose open adoption. Through connecting with them, you can see firsthand the happiness that your adoption has provided to your child and their family.
- Let yourself feel: It’s important to let yourself feel your emotions when having a hard time. Guilt is a tricky feeling, as it suggests that you have done something wrong that you need to correct. In reality, you haven’t done anything wrong, but guilt is a natural response to your situation. You need to experience your emotions in order to process them, so don’t feel shame about feeling this way.
- Attend a support group: Many adoption agencies hold support groups for birth mothers. These are very helpful in processing emotions. These women understand exactly what you have gone through. You can share your feelings with women who have pursued adoption in Aurora and throughout Colorado. It is likely that many of them are also dealing with guilt and have their own ways of coping that you may find helpful.
- Consider the positives of your decision: Remember: there are positive sides to choosing adoption. You made many people happy by making this choice (your adoptive family, your child, and even yourself). Keep this in mind to remind yourself that you have done a good thing. You can view your adoption in a different light in order to cope with the feelings that come with the process.
You are Not Alone When you Choose Adoption
It can feel lonely to place a baby for adoption, but you are never alone. Adoption Choices of Colorado is here for you if you are thinking of choosing adoption in Colorado. We are a private adoption agency that has been providing compassionate adoption care since 2002. Our agency helps women with every step of the process – from simple questions like how to put a child up for adoption to more involved aspects such as creating the adoption plan. Experiencing guilt when seeking adoption is normal and does not last forever.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!