What Happens When the Birth Father is Unknown or Unsupportive?
Going through an unexpected pregnancy and deciding whether adoption is the right thing for you is hard enough. Not having the birth father by your side supporting you or not even knowing who the birth father is at all makes it even harder. In both situations, you are going through this alone and it can be very difficult. When the birth father is unknown, this could be hard on you and your child. This can impact your child’s life when he or she can’t know who their birth father is. When the birth father is unsupportive, it could impact your decision a lot and push back the adoption process if that’s truly what you want. Even though you are the birth mother and get to make every decision in your adoption plan, the birth father can impact this a lot depending on the situation you are in. Here at Adoption Choices of Colorado, we have professional support for you as a birth mother. Connecting with someone to talk to about everything is very important because it could help the birth father see your perspective if he is still in the picture. We know how hard an unexpected pregnancy is and how overwhelming the adoption process can be when you don’t know or don’t have the support of the birth father. Our caseworkers have a lot of knowledge about the legality of adoption and can help clear up any questions or concerns you may have when the birth father is unknown or unsupportive.
If you need adoption help now, please call or text us at 303-670-4673 (HOPE) or visit us at Adoption Choices of Colorado.
- The Birth Father is Unknown
When the birth father is unknown, you are usually able to go through the adoption without needing their consent. There is a putative father registry where the birth father can claim his rights, but if the birth father is unknown to you, then he would not know about this adoption. This being said, you can decide everything without needing the birth father’s consent.
With the legality of the adoption process in Colorado, as long as the birth father doesn’t fill out a putative father registry, the attorney you work with is not required to notify the birth father about adoption. You may be able to place your baby up for adoption without the birth father, depending on the situation you are in. Our caseworkers can help you with figuring out how your adoption plan may be affected if you are in a similar situation.
If you have future contact with your child, depending on which type of adoption you choose, he or she may have a lot of questions about their birth father. Telling your child that their birth father is unknown can be a hard conversation because they will probably have tons of questions that you can’t answer for them. This can be hard on your child not having a birth father to have in their life, but if you give your child so much support and remind them that you chose adoption because you love them, they will grow up with a mindset of their birth mother’s love and support.
- The Birth Father is Unsupportive
Unfortunately, if the birth father is known and is unsupportive, this could affect the adoption process. The birth father can claim his parental rights in Colorado if he is unsupportive and he can demonstrate that he can provide for the child on his own if that is what he would rather have happen. He has to be willing to provide financial support to you and the custody of your child. If he fails to do so, the adoption can go on as planned.
If the adoption goes on as planned, this can mean that the birth father either couldn’t afford care for the child or is deemed unfit to be a parent due to certain traits he has. This can include abuse allegations or mental illnesses. If this is the case, you will be able to make all the decisions of the adoption plan because you are the birth mother, unless you allow the birth father to help with the decision-making. You get the final say in everything though. It is all up to you.
If the birth father is unsupportive, whether they are married to you or with you or not, you can educate them and help them understand why adoption is the best choice for you. This can be for many reasons like financial status, not wanting to continue a life with the birth father, or that it just isn’t the right time for you to give up your life to raise a child. You can tell him that as much as you love your child, adoption is the best option for you and your child. You are choosing adoption because you love your child and know that you can’t give them the happy and stable home you know the adoptive parents you choose will be able to.
Are You in a Situation Where the Birth Father Is Unknown or Unsupppotive? Connect with an Adoption Caseworker and We Will Help You
No matter your situation and no matter if the birth father is unknown or unsupportive, you can contact us any time and get all of your questions answered. At Adoption Choices of Colorado, we want to help make your adoption process as smooth as possible. We want you to be able to get everything you want out of your adoption plan.
You as the birth mother get to decide everything that happens during the adoption process and in the adoption plan. It is all up to you. You are carrying your child and birthing him or her, so you are solely the decision-maker. Having the extra struggles of not knowing the birth father or having the birth father being unsupportive may tamper on your plans, so understanding your adoption rights and his in Colorado is important.
No matter what kind of question or how many, we will be here to answer every question you have and discuss every concern with you. Speaking with an adoption caseworker or counselor is a great idea and could help you a lot when figuring out what is going to happen with your adoption process whether the birth father is there or not. We are always here to listen and support, connect with one of our adoption caseworkers.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Meet the Author: Molly Allington is an aspiring author born and raised in Syracuse, New York. When she’s not watching her latest Netflix obsession, you can find her nose deep in a book or in her writing. She has been writing books since she was twelve and is in the process of trying to get her finished books published. Molly has a BA in Creative Writing from Southern New Hampshire University. With her writing, she is hoping to share supportive information and help as many people as possible. Once she starts her own family, she is wanting to adopt.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!