Ways to Communicate in an Open Adoption
You have selected to go the way of open adoption. At Adoption Choices of Colorado, we know this type of adoption will suit you well. Still, you are probably a bit anxious about the whole thing. Open adoptions are built on lasting relationships — not only with your child, but also with your child’s adoptive family. Through following our tips and pointers, you will find communicating in an open adoption simple, effective, and rewarding.
How Do I Even Begin to Facilitate Connection in an Open Adoption?
Social situations are not everyone’s strong suit, but that is alright. Sometimes, you just have to be the person to grab the wheel or plan things. Even if it seems forward, you probably just want to lay down what your preferences are and ask your child’s adoptive family what their preferences are. It’s going to be much better for everyone involved if you encourage an environment where you all are upfront and honest about your needs.
As many people know from experience, balancing an extended family can be a bit tricky, so you might as well get a head start. Oftentimes, people are just as awkward as you in social situations and someone just has to take the reins and be a bit courageous.
How Do I Not Overstep Boundaries in an Open Adoption?
It all comes back to communication, communication, communication — every single time. We live in a technologically-advanced world where, fortunately, it is easier to plan gatherings or visits. You no longer have to go knock on someone’s door to see if they are home. That is probably a bad idea anyways because the days where you could show up unannounced on someone’s doorstep are gone. However, most of everyone that you know has a phone or email, if not other modes of contact like social media. Your child’s adoptive parents are likely no exception. Figure out how you all prefer to reach each other. Respect time, respect space, and respect feelings — those are just some of the basics when communicating in an open adoption.
What is One of the Most Important Things I Should Remember with an Open Adoption?
If everyone got along with everyone else all the time, the world would not be very realistic. There will likely be times when you butt heads, either with your child’s adoptive family or with your own expectations. All parties present will navigate the world based on their own experiences and values. The most important thing you should remember is to achieve some form of harmony. That harmony, in turn, can be split into two important parts.
Part one would be to always try to walk in someone else’s shoes before passing judgement. Encourage an environment of kindness and care so that you can be supportive of your child’s adoptive family, and your child’s adoptive family can be supportive of you when you need it. Part two would be to remember that the focus of an open adoption is the child at the heart of it. Parents, birth of adoptive, sometimes get lost in what they want for their child, rather than considering what their child wants.
Is There a Way to Normalize an Open Adoption?
Well, first of all, what is “normal?” Sure, there are societal trends and traditions, but there has never been a truly standard American family. No matter how hard people may try to force families into categories or idealized boxes, everyone is a little strange, but that’s okay. It is often in our strangeness and loveable weirdness that we are the most loving and human. The most random people can come together and be family — you have that opportunity in an open adoption. With a healthy attitude and lots of love, you can make “normal” whatever you want it to be.
If I am Still Struggling to Find my Footing with Open Adoption, What Should I Do?
Communicating in an open adoption does not come with a detailed instruction booklet, and most people do not spend their early lives being a part of one. That said, there are plenty of guiding thoughts to help you and people who do have experience with many adoption stories. Along with the thoughts already listed above, your adoption caseworker at Adoption Choices of Colorado is an excellent resource. As a leader in the adoption community, our specialized adoption staff has helped to manage the adoption process for at least a few people in similar situations to you.
Find wisdom and advice in those you trust, or even consult credible sources on the internet. The world is literally at your fingertips and figuring out an open adoption has never come with as many resources as it does today.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Meet the Author: Nathan Dyer is a university student majoring in Communication Arts with a radio/TV/film focus. He enjoys writing professionally and dealing with hands-on problems in real-world scenarios. Among his hobbies is hiking, which always encourages him to explore new places. He looks forward to crafting written materials in the future that serve to help people from all walks of life.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!