Ways to Bond with Your Child as a Birth Mother in an Open Adoption
As a birth mother considering an open adoption, you’ve no doubt done your research on the benefits of an open adoption with your child and their adoptive parents. Perhaps you’ve even taken advantage of the resources we offer at Adoption Choices of Colorado, and have talked extensively about open adoption with your adoption caseworker. Yet, despite all of this information, you still have lingering questions. What does this actually look like? What does it feel like? How are you going to connect with your child as they grow up with their adoptive family?
These are valid concerns and natural questions to have — especially because there’s very little media representation of birth mother/child relationships and minimal content available for you to research. You might not have family members or friends who know the answers either. But don’t worry! We can help you!
There are many ways to bond with your child as a birth mother in an open adoption — here are a few to get you started!
1. Virtual Updates
Your child and their adoptive parents may wish to send you updates via email. These updates might include milestones, special events, or photos. Corresponding via email or text can be a great way to learn about what your child is up to in their day to day life and share what you’re up to as well.
Virtual updates allow you to be in contact with your child without the emotional impact or intensity that in person visits may bring up for some. It’s a great way to ease into your relationship and find balance in connecting with your child while prioritizing your job, school, and/or your mental/physical health.
2. Phone/Video Calls
We are now all too familiar with ZOOM, but this platform, as well as other platforms like FaceTime, can be an excellent way to check in with your child. This allows you to live where you need to and still regularly connect with your child. Taking the time to schedule a regular video or audio call may be a great choice to make connecting with your child a routine and priority. The rhythm of regular scheduled calls can build rapport and closeness.
3. Special Occasions
As a birth mother, you may decide that spending special occasions, such as birthdays or holidays, with your child is important to you. Maybe you want your child to spend major holidays with their adoptive parents and you want to spend them with other family or friends, but you both agree upon a special day you always spend together.
Marking special events together and spending time preparing food and celebration is a beautiful way to bond with your child as a birth mother.
4. In-Person Visits
Scheduling in-person visits with your child may be the ideal way for you to connect. Some birth mothers really prefer in-person interactions and find them to be more connective than virtual visits. Only seeing each other on special occasions may be intimidating, so in-person visits may be a way to keep the pressure off your connection. Maybe you and your child can go to a park, cook dinner together, or go to a movie.
There’s many stay-in options too, such as building a pillar fort, playing with blocks, or singing together. Find what activities both you and your child enjoy and try focusing on those. As they grow older, these activities may change, and you’ll get a chance to engage in more in depth conversations.
Ways to Bond with your Child as a Birth Mother
While these are just some general suggestions, they may serve as useful starting places as you navigate your relationship with your child as a birth mother. Try out whichever ones make sense for you or try a combination of all these.
It can be difficult with so few role models and minimal representation available to imagine what your relationship with your child might look like, but the positive of this is that you get to make it completely your own! You may also want to utilize support groups, including the ones we offer, as places to meet other birth mothers and share ideas. Ultimately, it’s important to find what works best for you and your child.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Meet the Author: Kara Bringewatt is an English major and psychology minor at Queens University of Charlotte. She plans to get her masters in social work and work at a nonprofit as a case manager for at-risk youth. She loves using writing as a means of creating community and bringing attention to causes she’s passionate about.
Kara is particularly interested in educational and mental health interventions for young people in foster care. She’s worked as a tutor, professional caregiver, preschool teacher and acting instructor, and loves being able to utilize her wide range of passions to support young people and plans on being a foster and adoptive parent.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!