Understanding Open Adoption as a Birth Mother
At this point, you have taken your first steps into the adoption process. Like anyone, you have a million questions. One question in particular that continues to linger on your mind is: “What if I want to see my child after they are adopted?” In truth, many adoptions in the modern day no longer completely separate the birth mother from the adoptee and the adoptive family. If you choose an open adoption, you will be able to see your child more often and watch them grow.
Here is how it all works:
How do I Understand What Separates an Open Adoption from Other Types of Adoption?
While every situation is unique in a variety of ways, most adoptions can be placed into three categories. There are closed adoptions, where the birth mother has no contact with the adoptive family. The middle ground would be semi-open adoptions, where the birth mother and the adoptive family can contact each other through an adoption agency, like Adoption Choices of Colorado. Finally, open adoptions are where the birth mother and adoptive family can contact each other directly.
Will Open Adoption be Healthier for Me?
Birth mothers are a variable group. Some choose closed adoptions because they really feel like they have to move on with their lives. Others choose semi-open adoptions because having an adoption agency as a mediator works really well for them. If you are really adamant about seeing your child more regularly, though, open adoption will probably be the best for you.
Choosing open adoption as a birth mother can mean more involvement with your child. Now, something important to understand is that more involvement with your child does not mean more direct control over their parenting. That is decisively left to the adoptive family. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t offer up information that will give your child a rich and fulfilling upbringing. You can contribute plenty, such as sharing your child’s background or ancestral history with them. Many parents choose to share their adoption process story with their child to help answer any questions.
It’s also important to remember that it’s up to you which adoptive family you pick. So, even if you are not directly parenting, you appointed the people who are. Choosing open adoption as a birth mother can really help you be more comfortable with the adoptive family you put your trust in.
What Other Benefits are There to Open Adoption that I can Facilitate?
While it is understandable that some birth mothers choose to move on with their lives or not have much communication with the adoptive family they choose, having an open adoption puts you in the unique position to de-stigmatize the adoption process as a whole. Adoption can often be seen as negative by society or something that should be covered up, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, the large majority of adoptions are success stories. By being more involved, having a relationship with your child, and having a relationship with their adoptive family, you can break down the stigma that surrounds adoption. It really is a pretty natural thing at the end of the day that just requires a bit of figuring out and cooperation between the different parties. You may even inspire others to choose to adopt or be comfortable with placing their own child for adoption if you can show the positive side of the process and teamwork that takes place.
Are There Resources Available to Me?
There are absolutely resources available to you! Adoption Choices of Colorado is an adoption agency with tons of information that you can use at your convenience. While every birth mother is slightly different with different goals, open adoption might be the best fit for you because it isn’t a hard break from your child. You are still there in their life, filling them in when they have questions or want to know more. It might be an odd new experience at first, working with an adoptive family, but it can be incredibly rewarding and provide you with some needed comfort and security in a time that might be tough.
No one ever said that it was easy to place your child for adoption, but there are ways to do it where your mental health is taken care of. Adoption Choices of Colorado also provides counseling if you are still having trouble deciding which type of adoption suits you best. Basically, we are here for you throughout the adoption process and want to help you realize your vision for your child’s care.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Meet the Author: Nathan Dyer is a university student majoring in Communication Arts with a radio/TV/film focus. He enjoys writing professionally and dealing with hands-on problems in real-world scenarios. Among his hobbies is hiking, which always encourages him to explore new places. He looks forward to crafting written materials in the future that serve to help people from all walks of life.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!