Mother’s Day is an exciting day! It’s a holiday that brings to mind handmade gifts, love notes, and a surplus of admiration, and moms often look forward to it. They more than deserve a day devoted to their hard work. But some adoptive moms are caught off guard by a mix of emotions, considering themselves unworthy of the title real mom.
As her spouse, you expected her to be over the moon excited. After all, Mother’s Day is a day designed to celebrate something she so desperately wanted to become: a mother. You never imagined she’d feel down or act detached, but you can’t help but notice her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
She’s going to be okay! Adoption Choices of Colorado has no fear that you’ll be able to help her through this. Let us help you ease her worries. We know that, regardless of biology, she possesses the many beautiful traits of a mother. You just have to remind her she’s more than worthy of calling herself Mom. We’re here to help you do that!
TRAITS OF A MOTHER
The way society links motherhood to the pregnancy journey, leaves adoptive mothers feeling excluded. Are you the real mom? Do you communicate with the real mom? Are you going to have your own child? Why would you want to raise someone else’s child? Are you worried about your son or daughter looking for his or her real mom? Too often, these are the questions adoptive mothers are asked.
The meaning of motherhood far surpasses biology. A mother is someone who guides her children, offering support and inspiration along the way. She’s a selfless, loving human who makes sacrifices. She’s a protector who works fiercely to equip her children with the knowledge and skills required to live life to the fullest. She wipes away tears of sorrow and madness that stream down her children’s cherub-like faces. Simply put, giving birth is the least of what makes a mother.
You know how big your partner’s heart is, how beautifully she’s blossomed into that of motherhood. Here are a few maternal traits to remind her of what she possesses:
She loves unconditionally. Of all the types of love, a mother’s love is the strongest. Her journey to motherhood was an emotional and selfless one. Don’t let your partner forget that! She provides a love that doesn’t need to be proved, a love that can be seen in her shining eyes and felt by her child at all times.
She’s fiercely protective. Much like you, when your spouse took on the role of parenthood, she revealed a new part of herself. She became stronger, more capable of sacrifice. She’s been the one standing between any situation or person threatening her child.
She’s influential. Moms play a huge part in a child’s life, and your partner holds that title. Her role is not just in raising her child, but in shaping him or her as well. Mothers are the most influential people in your child’s life – ahead of friends, community leaders, and other family members. While mothers are often thanked for their protecting and providing role, it is their life-training and identity-shaping that has the most lasting impact.
She’s authoritative. Remind your spouse that she plays a major role in how her child is raised. She may be an adoptive mom, but she’s the one who sets expectations and enforces rules, the one who teaches right from wrong. That’s a big deal!
She’s empathetic. While the mother to your child isn’t afraid to set boundaries, she’s also emotionally responsive, warm, and communicative. She knows that teaching morals is an important part of raising a child, but she also enforces a two-way communication that allows for safe boundaries and encourages good behavior.
She’s unyieldingly supportive. From experience, you know that your spouse has your back. She’s always there for you, and that support grew tenfold when she became an adoptive parent. Tell her that she provides a strong foundation to grow from, always providing support and care, even when no one else does.
Being a mother is perhaps the hardest, most rewarding job a woman will ever experience. Help your partner not to feel anything less than that of a loving mother. Biology isn’t an obstacle standing in her way when it comes to motherhood.
GENETICS DON’T MAKE A MOM
On this Mother’s Day and every day, it’s important to remember that motherhood is not pregnancy-centric. It’s no secret that many children are healthier and happier with adoptive parents than with the parents that nature birthed them. Mothering a child makes you a mother. Late-night feeds, dirty diapers, exhaustion, worry, guilt — those are the things that make a mother, not pregnancy. If you find your partner second-guessing her motherhood, assure her it’s wayward thinking.
Adoption Choices of Colorado knows you want to see your spouse’s face light up on Mother’s Day, a day she’ll hold close to her heart. After all, it’s a day dedicated to her, a day you and your family look forward to each year because you get to show your appreciation in abundance. We’re here to assure adopted mothers: genes are optional when it comes to motherhood!
Adoption Choices of Colorado
For more information on adoption please contact Adoption Choices of Colorado. We can reached via our website or phone 303-670-4401.
Support Adoption Choices
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.
However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Patience Bramlett, a University of Southern Mississippi news editorial graduate, is a seasoned and award-winning freelance writer. She is also a passionate reader, whose only wish is to live life without fear of the unknown. Her motivation and inspiration to live her best life stems from the words of John Lennon:
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
This year, she’s joining Adoption Choices Inc. as an Editorial Intern. Fueled by her love of family, she hopes to educate those looking to grow their families through adoption.
When Patience is not exploring Colorado with her husband, she’s drinking coffee, forever figuring out how to tame her hair, growing her library, and trying to break into the publishing career.
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Bibliography
Cummons, Dr. Denise. “Praise for Adoptive Moms and Stepmoms on Mother’s Day.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 7 May 2016, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/good-thinking/201605/praise-adoptive-moms-and-stepmoms-mothers-day.
Diranian, Susan. “The Meaning of Being a Mother.” LIVESTRONG.COM, Leaf Group, www.livestrong.com/article/536701-the-meaning-of-being-a-mother/.
Lange, Alison. “10 Characteristics of a Good Mom.” Organized Motherhood, 4 July 2018, www.organizedmotherhood.com/characteristics-good-mom/.
“What Makes a Mom?” Strong Women Strong Girls, SWSG Blogging Corps, 4 Apr. 2014, swsg.org/what-makes-a-mom/.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!
Hi Patience! You shared a beautiful blog. The way you mention the qualities of a mother just wins my heart. I completely agree with your point that genetics don’t make a mom. While mothering a child makes a mom. Keep writing such blogs!