The moment you’ve dreamed of is so close you can almost touch it. Your diligence and patience throughout the adoption process has paid off, and you’re finally able to make plans to pick your child up from the hospital. At last, you’re about to enter the realm of fatherhood!
While you’re happy and impatient to welcome your child into his or her new home, you also feel the immense pressure and anxiousness of becoming a dad. Reality is setting in as you realize the important role fathers play in their children’s lives. It’s one that cannot be filled by another, and, as an adoptive dad, you have a large impact on your child. You help shape him or her into the person he or she will one day become. Knowing this, you want to be the best influencer you’re capable of being.
You’re doing great so far! Adoption Choices of Colorado wants you to know that it’s okay to be hesitant and even scared. Becoming a father is a great honor. Let us help by giving you the reassurance you need. We’ve come up with a list of traits all good dads possess, and we hope it helps ease your mind!
THE IMPORTANT ROLE OF DAD
Both parents are very important. Typically, mothers do more nurturing, while fathers tend to be more involved in play. Nevertheless, modern day fathers do much more hands-on caregiving now than they did generations ago — changing diapers, getting up at night, taking children to the doctor, sharing drop-offs and pick-ups, and helping with homework.
Fathers are pillars in the development of a child’s emotional well-being. Children look to their fathers to lay down the rules and enforce them. They also look to their fathers to provide a feeling of security, both physically and emotionally. Children want to make their fathers proud, and an involved father promotes inner growth and strength. Studies have shown that when fathers are affectionate and supportive, it greatly affects a child’s cognitive and social development. It also instills an overall sense of well-being and self-confidence.
Fathers also set the standard for the healthy development of children. Fathers not only influence who their children are inside, but how their children have relationships with people as they grow. The way a father treats his child will influence what he or she looks for in other people. Friends, lovers, and spouses will all be chosen based on how the child perceived the meaning of the relationship with his or her father. The patterns a father sets in the relationships with his children will dictate how his children relate with other people.
As an adoptive father, you know that anyone can father a child, but being a dad takes a lifetime. It is impossible to overestimate the importance of a dad.
TRAITS OF A FATHER
Obviously no two fathers are alike — their style is a blend of their unique personalities and strengths — but good fathers do have certain traits in common. Here are some of the better ways to approach fatherhood:
Be a wall of trust and security. Children believe that their father is always right. Make a conscious effort to never lie to them, betray them, or leave them in the lurch. This is the trust a good father builds in his child. As an adoptive father, you need to make a strong effort to always be there for your child. With this sense of security, you child will more easily come to you when he or she wants help or is in trouble.
Make time for your family. Single, married, or in a partnership, you need to make time for those you care for. Setting aside time to focus on your family is imperative to everyone’s overall happiness, including your own. It’s not enough to meet the basic necessities your child requires; you have to bond with him or her. Don’t be afraid to let your child know how much he or she means to you.
Be patient and encouraging. A good father doesn’t jump into his immediate emotions. He is patient. Give your child your undivided attention and try to understand things from his or her perspective. After all, you are your child’s source of encouragement. You are happiest when they succeed, and you are the one who will make them strive better if they fail. Your words make a world of difference to your child, for they have the power to make or break him or her.
Practice self-care, and use humor. Fathers who master balanced lifestyles are able to establish healthy patterns. This allows them to accept martyrdom as the price of parenting. Make sure to incorporate self-care strategies and humor into your daily life. Regular evenings and occasional weekends away can help you gain perspective, regroup, and come back to the family with renewed energy.
PERFECT DOESN’T EXIST
There’s no absolute answer for the rights and wrongs of fatherhood. You have to figure out what works best for you and your family, so don’t fret it you think you don’t possess one or any of the traits we listed. You’ve got this!
Adoption Choices of Colorado knows parenthood is all about learning as you go. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be more than worth it.
Adoption Choices of Colorado
For more information on adoption please contact Adoption Choices of Colorado. We can reached via our website or phone 303-670-4401.
Make an Impact
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.
However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Patience Bramlett, a University of Southern Mississippi news editorial graduate, is a seasoned and award-winning freelance writer. She is also a passionate reader, whose only wish is to live life without fear of the unknown. Her motivation and inspiration to live her best life stems from the words of John Lennon:
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
This year, she’s joining Adoption Choices Inc. as an Editorial Intern. Fueled by her love of family, she hopes to educate those looking to grow their families through adoption.
When Patience is not exploring Colorado with her husband, she’s drinking coffee, forever figuring out how to tame her hair, growing her library, and trying to break into the publishing career.
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Bibliography
Gross, Gail. “The Important Role of Dad.” HuffPost, HuffPost, 12 June 2014, www.huffpost.com/entry/the-important-role-of-dad_n_5489093.
Krisch, Joshua. “Fatherhood Changes Men’s Brains and Bodies Forever.” Fatherly, 27 Dec. 2018, www.fatherly.com/health-science/dad-psychology-science-fatherhood/.
Rosenberg, Jeffre, and Bradford Wilcox. “The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children.” US Department of Health and Human Services, 2006.
“The Changing Role of the Modern-Day Father.” American Psychological Association, American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/pi/families/resources/changing-father.
Vallotton, Claire, and Andy Henion. “Dads Play Key Role in Child Development.” MSUToday, 14 July 2016, msutoday.msu.edu/news/2016/dads-play-key-role-in-child-development/.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!