Tough Adoption Decision: Will I Regret the Choice of Giving My Baby for Adoption?

By Shaina Santagata

The test came back positive. You might be overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions about the right thing to do. How can you raise a baby when you don’t feel you’re ready to be a mother? Perhaps you never planned to have children in the first place. You might already have children, and you don’t have the means to afford another. The birth father doesn’t want to be involved, or you might not know who the father is.

There are endless situations, and everyone’s journey is different. Regardless, the turmoil of figuring out what to do seems all-consuming. An unplanned pregnancy requires life-altering decisions to be made. Our fantastic adoption specialists at Adoption Choices of Colorado have helped hundreds of birth mothers, just like you, find relief and healing from the rollercoaster of despair you’ve been on.

Is the Adoption Process Right for Me and My Baby?

Adoption is a beautiful, selfless, and emotional choice to make for your baby. We understand that there are many emotions tied to this decision, and you may feel that sorting through the ins and outs of considering adoption is too complex when you are first looking into it. To put adoption simply, it is, first and foremost, a decision to make for yourself and your baby. You want to give them a life they deserve, filled with happiness, stability, wonderful opportunities, and unconditional love.

While you could provide some of those things, trying to raise your baby and provide them with everything could be much harder to do than you would have hoped. By putting your child up for adoption, you are not “giving up” on them. We sincerely hope you believe that because it is true! You are giving them a chance to have a family who will accept your baby as if it were their child, and that is an incredible thing to behold.

Will I Regret Putting My Child Up for Adoption?

Initially, birth mothers may experience grief, regret, and that they miss their baby. If you have any second thoughts about adoption after the fact, we want you to know that this is very common. It means that you need more time to heal from your experience. You’ve done everything you can to ensure that a wonderful family adopted your baby and they will have the best life possible. Now is the time to focus on your healing process because you deserve the same amount of support and love that you want for your child.

On the other hand, there are also birth mothers who did not feel a sense of regret after the adoption process. There are individual circumstances and motivations for each woman who has come to our adoption agencies in Colorado. Your journey does not have to match anyone else’s, nor do your emotions. Our team consists of outstanding professionals who provide guidance and support so that you make informed decisions for yourself and your baby from the very beginning. You are not alone, and we are always here to help you.

Can I See My Child After They’re Adopted?

 It is entirely your choice if you want to be part of your child’s life. Knowing you have a choice can provide relief for many birth mothers who are concerned about regret. Adoption agencies in Colorado understand whatever you decide. You can view the profiles of prospective families, then based on what your preferences are, you can choose the level of openness with them and your child after adoption. Together, you can decide on how much contact you have with your child. The three options for your child are open, closed, and semi-open adoption.

Open Adoption

This allows the child the opportunity to know their birth mother and have information about their cultural and ethnic background. We have found that this can reduce the amount of fear that the adoptive parents have about the child possibly being reclaimed by the birth parent(s) in the future. A plan between you and the adoptive family can include them sending pictures of your child and receiving letters from you at specific points in their life (i.e., special milestones like birthdays, graduations, marriage, etc.) All the details can be sorted out between yourself and the adoptive family, making it a respectful and consensual process for everyone involved.

Closed Adoption

You could decide to have no communication at all with your child once they are adopted. Many birth mothers choose this option, especially when they feel it is best for themselves and their baby. There are times when a birth mother feels that her life is too uncertain and that she cannot provide the stability she wishes for her child. We understand that this is not an easy decision to make. If you want your child only to know the adoptive family it becomes part of, that is more than okay. The adoptive family you choose for your baby, with the adoption agency, will provide your child with a safe and loving home. It will give you the ability to start anew.

Semi-Open Adoption

This option is a mix between both open and closed adoption. The adoption agency will mainly handle the interaction, as they will assume the role of the mediator. There would be limited identifying information (i.e., birth parents’ names and addresses) given to the family who adopts your child. If you should choose to leave room for any contact in the future, it may be limited to receiving only pictures of your child.

Support for Birth Mother’s During and After Adoption:

At Adoption Choices of Colorado, we also have a monthly support group and offer lifelong adoption-related counseling. The support group has birth mothers like you sharing their stories, experiences, and struggles. You can share as little or as much as you feel comfortable with. It can be hard to go through the adoption process, feeling like you have no one in your corner. But with this group, you do. For those more complicated conversations, we understand that you may need more time to open up to a group setting. That is why we also provide the option for any birth mother to have private counseling sessions, allowing you a safe and private space to open up.

A trained professional will understand that the most challenging time will be when your baby is officially adopted. Birth mothers need extra care, love, and understanding in those moments. Since 2002, we have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive parents.

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