Top 7 Myths About LGBT Adoption Birth Mothers Should Know
Fortunately, throughout the past decade, our society has become more accepting of LGBT individuals and couples becoming parents. In fact, members of the LGBT community are now allowed to adopt and raise the family they’ve always wanted. Adoption Choices of Colorado is committed to supporting these adoptive families. Unfortunately, there is still a lot of misinformation that continues to circulate around LGBT adoption, adding obstacles and roadblocks that prospective adoptive couples and individuals must overcome.
If you are a birth mother, you’ve no doubt run into some of these. We believe that spreading positive information and reinforcing the truth about LGBT adoption will begin to dismantle the misconceptions and help empower you as you move forward in your adoption journey. Here are 7 myths about LGBT adoption that you should be aware of, and the truth behind them.
Myth #1 – Children need a Mother and a Father
Truth: Not necessarily. For many decades, the general understanding of family included a mother and father. This was said to be the best type of family as it benefited the child. While there may be some truth to this, our culture and society has greatly evolved and expanded to many other types of family. In fact, teachers, coaches and friends can also be categorized within your child’s wider circle of family.
As a birth mother considering who would be best to raise your child, it’s important to know that there are many different kinds of adoptive families, and they are all capable of loving your child and off giving him or her their best chance at life. It’s been repeatedly shown that a child does not need the specific combination of a mother and father to grow up in a happy, healthy home.
Myth #2 – Same Sex Couples, There is a Clear Male and Female Role
Truth: Incorrect. Because of how our society has had strict expectations regarding gender roles and the nuclear family until quite recently, there is the unfortunate assumption that LGBT couples must mirror a “traditional family.” That there must be, or always are, clear and inherent gender roles. But this is not the case.
It’s important not to assume that because one partner is more stereotypically “masculine” or “feminine” presenting that they are taking on the role of “male” or “female.” The individuals in gay or lesbian unions don’t need to recreate traditional male-female partnerships in order to be amazing parents.
Myth #3 – LGBT Parents can’t Provide Stable Homes
Truth: Not true. LGBT adoptive parents can provide a wonderful home for your child. There are many lesbian, gay, bisexual, and trans adoptive parents who will raise your child with abundant love and care. Countless successful adults have been raised by LGBT parents and had amazing support throughout their lives.
Because LGBT adoptive couples and individuals aren’t able to conceive children biologically, they carefully plan and prepare for the day they can have a family. Consequently, your child’s adoptive parents, when they choose adoption, have thought long and hard about their decision and are fully committed to providing a stable home for him or her.
Myth #4 – Children with Same-Sex Parents will get Bullied
Truth: Unfortunately, this is a possibility. The potential of your child getting bullied may be concerning as a birth mother — and to any parent — but your child may have to deal with negative comments because their adoptive parents are LGBT. However, this is something that same-sex adoptive parents are familiar with and prepared for.
Oftentimes, LGBT couples and individuals choose to live in neighborhoods and school districts that are welcoming and accepting of their identities, and have already planned how to discuss topics related to marginalized identities and discrimination with your child. As a result, your child will grow into a more loving, respectful, open-minded, and resilient individual.
Myth #5 – Children Raised by LGBT Adoptive Parents are More Likely to Become LGBT Themselves
Truth: Nope. This is like saying that children raised by heterosexual adoptive parents will be straight. As we know, this isn’t always the case. Children will grow up to identify in whatever way is true to their innate orientation and identity, regardless of their parents’ own identities. If your child does grow up to identify as part of the LGBT community, he or she will be lucky to have adoptive parents who understand and support them fully.
Myth #6 Same-Sex Parents may lead to Developmental or Behavioral Issues
Truth: Wrong again. Same-sex adoptive parents are wonderful people who are more than capable of providing tremendous love and care for your child. LGBT adults are just as able as any other adoptive family to provide the kind of discipline, structure, compassion and support that child-rearing requires.
If you choose LGBT adoptive parents to raise your child, you can be assured that your child will not suffer any developmental or behavioral issues as a consequence. This is simply one of the particularly prejudiced myths about LGBT adoption that is sadly still in circulation.
Myth #7 – Parenting Choices are Influenced by Sexual Orientation
Truth: Never. Sexual orientation has no impact on whether or not a couple or individual has the ability to raise your child. This myth greatly demeans LGBT adoptive parents, who can vary just as much as any other type of adoptive parents.
When you are considering LGBT adoptive parents, sexual orientation doesn’t need to matter. Rather, the aspects that do could include, but are not limited to, how much they love your child and what kind of life they will provide for him or her.
Myths About LGBT Adoption Birth Mothers Should Know
Understandably given the ongoing and deeply historical marginalization of LGBT couples and individuals, there’s still a lot of prejudice and false beliefs circulating around hopeful same-sex adoptive parents hoping to grow their family through adoption. This can, unfortunately, make it harder for prospective adoptive parents to have their family.
Adoption Choices of Colorado is committed to properly educating you about the realities of LGBT adoptive parents and supporting you in finding the best fit for your child, regardless of how they identify.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Meet the Author: Kara Bringewatt is an English major and psychology minor at Queens University of Charlotte. She plans to get her masters in social work and work at a nonprofit as a case manager for at-risk youth. She loves using writing as a means of creating community and bringing attention to causes she’s passionate about.
Kara is particularly interested in educational and mental health interventions for young people in foster care. She’s worked as a tutor, professional caregiver, preschool teacher and acting instructor, and loves being able to utilize her wide range of passions to support young people and plans on being a foster and adoptive parent.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!