The Role of the Birth Father during an Open Adoption
Birth fathers are somewhat of an enigma in the adoption process. More times than not, the focus centers around the birth mother, adoptive parents and the adoptee. This is the more common image of adoption as we know it. However, there are times where the birth father is present and wants to be involved as well. How much he is involved, of course, is entirely up to you and what kind of relationship you share with him. For example, if you are on good terms or have a healthy connection with him, having him alongside you throughout the adoption journey can be very beneficial.
Adoption Choices of Colorado understands that placing your child for adoption is not a decision to be taken lightly. That it can be a very stressful and emotional one. It’s natural and perfectly ok to feel overwhelmed. We want you to know that you are not alone. If you feel comfortable with your child’s birth father being involved, we want to share what the role of a birth father looks like with an open adoption.
Supporting You & Your Decision
Experiencing an unplanned pregnancy can be very scary. It can feel like your world is crumbling around you, and that everything you’ve worked for and planned is falling apart. In moments like this, it’s very comforting to have a trusted friend, family member — or your partner or spouse — nearby. To be moral support and a sounding board as you work out what to do.
The role of a birth father, particularly with an open adoption, would be just that. He would be there with you every step of the way. From start to finish, providing support and encouragement in any way he can. This could be helping you fill out paperwork, or reassuring that your choice to place your baby for adoption is the best option. He can help you research our agency and how to contact us. The first steps in beginning your adoption journey. All this in more can ease your anxiety and stress levels during this time.
Helping Make Tough Decisions
Once you begin the adoption journey, you may feel overwhelmed filling out the application, gathering all the needed medical and health records or deciding who would be the best prospective adoptive parents to raise your child. When your child’s birth father is alongside you, he can help you with this. He can make the call to your doctor’s office and get you the correct forms.
Two of the tough decisions you’ll face may include, but are not limited to, naming your baby and choosing your child’s adoptive parents. Neither of these are easy and shouldn’t be rushed. With the birth father present, you can talk to him about that. Ask what he thinks. Choosing to name your baby is an option, and completely up to you. With an open adoption, you can even decide if you want to name your future child with the adoptive parents. When it comes to deciding who is best to raise your child, the birth father can look through the prospective adoptive parent profile books, read through the bios and ask you how you feel about each one. If there are any who stand out.
Receiving Counseling
Your child’s birth father may become very emotional during your adoption journey just like you. An important thing for him to do is to process how he feels so he can be there when you need him the most. To do this, our agency offers counseling services that come at no cost to him or you. This offers each of you a safe space and confidential space to talk about what you think and feel, and get professional guidance from our very compassionate, empathetic and non-judgmental staff.
Along the same vein, he could encourage you to seek counseling as well if there is something he isn’t sure how to support you in. The emotions involved with the adoption journey can run very deep and be complex. If you are experiencing similar emotions, it’s important that he encourage both of you to talk to someone who can help.
The Role of the Birth Father
Having your child’s birth father involved with your adoption journey is a very personal decision. If you both share a healthy and positive relationship, we encourage you to consider the benefits of him being there to support you. This could really help reassure you that you are making the right decision, and that adoption truly is the best chance for all of you.
Whether it’s helping you create your adoption, listening as you talk out your feelings or deciding how much time you want to spend with your baby after he or she is born, having the extra support of your child’s birth father can make your adoption journey less stressful and overwhelming. Whatever you choose, though, you won’t be alone and it’s entirely up to you.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Call us: 720-371-1099, Call or Text us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Meet the Author: Katherine Burns is a journalism student at Loyola University Maryland with plans to pursue a career in the news and magazine industries. With over three years of experience writing for the Greyhound Newspaper at Loyola, Katherine specializes in Op-eds. However, she has recently branched out to cover a variety of topics, including education and sports journalism. She also has ample experience with travel blogging.
Katherine has conducted a variety of interviews in her time at Loyola and has displayed her stories through differing forms of media. In addition to her studies at Loyola, Katherine spent the fall of 2019 studying communications at the American University of Paris. To learn more about Katherine, be sure to check her out on social media.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!