The Role of Grandparents in Adoption
Facing an unexpected pregnancy can bring with it a lot of complicated feelings and emotions. Generally, at Adoption Choices of Colorado, we focus on you, as the expectant mother. We want to be as helpful to you as possible on your adoption journey. But, if your parents are active in your life, they are very likely experiencing some of the same emotions, fears, and apprehension that you are.
Should you choose to place your child for adoption, there will likely be grandparents involved in the adoptive family as well. You may have some questions or concerns about the role of grandparents in adoption. Let’s address a few possible concerns.
What is My Parents’ Role if I Choose Adoption?
Your parents’ primary role is to support you in whatever choice you make. If that choice is to place your baby for adoption, your parents can still be an active part of the experience, if that is something that you want as well. They can attend medical appointments, be at the hospital when the baby is born and even, in some cases, meet the adoptive family.
If you choose an open adoption plan and maintain contact with your child after the adoption, your parents can participate in that as well. Grandparents in adoption can play an important part if you, as the birth mother, want them involved.
As the Grandparents in Adoption, can My Parents Make Me Choose What They Want?
Maybe your parents aren’t supportive and you’re concerned that they can override your wishes regarding your pregnancy. If you’re over 18, your parents’ wishes are not legally a factor in any way. They cannot make choices for you. They cannot change your decision if they disagree with it. While grandparents can be a valuable source of support and advice, the decisions an expectant mother faces are ultimately her own.
If you are under 18, the law is still very much on your side, in many ways, regarding your ability to make up your own mind about your pregnancy. You know best what will work for you and for your child. Whether or not your parents are involved in your decision, Adoption Choices of Colorado will support you every step of the way as you decide what’s best for yourself and your baby.
Do Grandparents in Adoption have the Right to See My Baby Post Placement?
You have approval over every aspect of your adoption plan. While some version of open adoption is the most common type of adoption, each adoption plan is customized to the needs and wants of the people directly involved in the adoption – the birth mother or birth parents, the adoptive parent or parents, and the child. Many people do choose to expand their adoption triad to include active grandparent involvement from the biological and adoptive grandparents, either before or after the birth of the child. But whether you want the grandparents involved in the adoption process is an option you, as the birth mother, can control.
While closed adoptions have become much less common than they used to be, it is still an option. In a closed adoption, neither you nor your parents would have contact with your child or the adoptive family after the adoption. Regardless, your parents cannot choose to have contact with your child after the adoption if you and the adoptive family don’t both agree to it. Once you relinquish your parental rights, any “grandparents’ rights” your parents may have had go away as well.
Will the Adoptive Grandparents Think of My Birth Child as Their Grandchild?
Our cultural views on adoption have evolved a lot, but change does take time. Some remnants of outdated thinking do still exist– especially in older generations. Grandparents may have some apprehension about the adoption process, or have beliefs rooted in old stories or experiences. But at Adoption Choices of Colorado, we work to educate people about modern adoption experiences.
Most adoptive grandparents, after becoming informed about adoption, feel only the joy of becoming grandparents. Families created by adoption are just as real as families created by birth. Grandparents can share with others, the wonderful way in which their family grew in a way that honors the wonderful gift you gave them by lovingly placing your child for adoption.
What is the Role of Grandparents in Adoption?
Choosing whether or not to parent your child yourself is a difficult decision, and it’s a decision that’s yours alone to make. If you want the baby’s grandparents to be part of your decision, Adoption Choices of Colorado can provide advice and resources to help them, as well as you, understand your choices. As you decide what works best for you and your baby, we look forward to providing support along the way. We can help address any concerns you or your parents may have about the choice of adoption.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Meet the Author: After graduating from University of Michigan with a degree in Education, majoring in English and Social Sciences, Brianne Davis has spent her adult life as an educator; first in the public schools, later through martial arts. Her ability to convey difficult concepts, navigate varied learning styles, and always keep it interesting defined her reputation as an impactful instructor. Many of her early published blogs centered on the goal of helping other instructors effectively teach children for whom learning is a struggle. Once an empty nester, she committed to sitting in traffic less and writing more. With those goals in mind, she, along with her husband and dogs, packed up, sold their family home, and moved to the banks of the Columbia River in Central Washington’s wine country, where the pace of life is slower and the sun shines brighter. Realizing in our modern age, more of us turn to the internet for information than ever before, Brianne, now dedicates her time to educating others through blog writing.
As a life-long information junkie, Brianne enjoys taking deep dives into new topics, then condensing them in an interesting way to convey valuable information in a relatively short amount of space. Once her career, Brazilian jiu jitsu and mixed martial arts remain hobbies, along with boating, reading and traveling.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!