Starting an Open Adoption Holiday Tradition as a Birth Mother
Open adoption holiday traditions can seem overwhelming as a birth mother if you do not have guidance or any prior experience navigating them. Finding time to spend with your child without overstepping their adoptive family’s boundaries can be tricky, after all. The best advice is simply to just keep the lines of communication open and have everyone voice their opinions — you, your child, and their adoptive family. Work together and try to compromise, if at all possible.
What Should I do if the Adoptive Family wants the Actual Day of the Holiday to Themselves?
This is actually pretty common, so there’s no need to worry! Even if your child’s adoptive family would rather have a main celebration day just for their family, like Christmas, there are still ways to get in on the holiday spirit. You could always have your open adoption holiday tradition on Christmas Eve, for example, or a surrounding time like the day after Christmas or a week after Christmas. New Year’s Eve is also an excellent day for group joy and gathering.
If you celebrate one of the other many amazing holidays that take place at the end of the calendar year, you can still suggest these same ideas of having a gathering with your child and their adoptive family on days surrounding the holiday itself. There are also plenty of adoptive families that would be fine with you joining the festivities on the actual holiday itself. Just feel it out and see what is best for everyone.
How can I Plan Activities to do during an Open Adoption Holiday Tradition?
You really do not need to overthink it too much. What do people normally do when they gather for family get-togethers? Maybe you will sit by a fire and share stories. Some birth mothers even share their adoption stories annually during these end of the year holidays as a reminder that adoptions can be successful and happy. You can watch movies, share food, and play board games as well. If you celebrate Christmas, gift giving often seems essential. You could absolutely bounce around to fun stores before Christmas itself or shop the after-Christmas sales as part of your holiday tradition. The options are endless and it’s really just about having fun together.
How do I Make a Good Impression?
It can be alarming to think that you might have to instantly get along with your child’s adoptive parent or parents. It isn’t actually the case that you have to be solid friends right away or ever. Very few people have instant comradery with one another. Still, there are plenty of basic things both sides can do to make open adoption holiday traditions fun, yearly activities. First of all, it never hurts to be polite. That goes back to the idea of respecting each other’s boundaries. A birth mother is important, but the adoptive parents have the right to parent their child as they see fit.
However, it’s probably best that neither side takes the “my way or the highway approach.” It is much more beneficial to learn from each other. This really reflects the second idea that, again, communication is so important. If you are kind and talk things through with the goal of having productive discussions, then things will likely turn out very well and you’ll pave the way for a decent, long-term connection — all for the ultimate betterment of your child’s experiences growing up, having many adult figures that care for them.
What Should I do about Important Days the Rest of the Year?
No one said that traditions have to happen just during the winter holiday season. You can absolutely set up gathering during other important days throughout the year as well, using the same ideas listed above. Birthdays are always a great place to start, but if you have other days in mind, that could work, too! You absolutely have the tools in your tool belt to make annual traditions happen and succeed.
What Should I do if I have More Questions?
The internet can be a great resource if you find the right websites or blogs. Adoption Choices of Colorado has also worked with many birth mothers and many adoption cases, so there are plenty of open adoption holiday tradition ideas flowing through our adoption agency as well. You can absolutely find support if you feel stuck so that you can have a great holiday season with your child. It just takes a little bit of time and care to set up and can be so rewarding.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Meet the Author: Nathan Dyer is a university student majoring in Communication Arts with a radio/TV/film focus. He enjoys writing professionally and dealing with hands-on problems in real-world scenarios. Among his hobbies is hiking, which always encourages him to explore new places. He looks forward to crafting written materials in the future that serve to help people from all walks of life.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!