Questions for Surrogates to Ask Intended Parents in an Interview
So you’ve completed your surrogate profile and found a match with intended parents. To confirm that you are a good match, you and the intended parents will get together for an interview. Take this time to share your expectations for the surrogacy process and ask the intended parents more about what they are looking for in a surrogate mother.
You may be wondering what questions you can ask during the interview. Our surrogacy agency, Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado, has guided numerous surrogates through this process, and we have compiled a list of commonly asked questions.
Here are some recommended questions for surrogates to ask intended parents in an interview, broken down by category.
1. Questions to Get to Know the Intended Parents
Having this interview should be a low-stress opportunity for you to get to know the intended parents on a personal level. You can ask them about their hobbies and lives, getting to understand who they are as people. Building this family is a commitment, which is why it is also important to develop a personal relationship.
Here are some questions for you to ask to learn more about who the intended parents are as a couple and people:
- How did you meet?
- How long have you been together?
- What do you do for a living?
- What are your hobbies or what do you like to do for fun?
- What are your values? What is important to you?
2. Questions about The Intended Parents’ Journey to Surrogacy
Begin the conversation by asking the intended parents about their reasons for using a surrogate mother to add to their family. Perhaps they have had fertility difficulties in the past, or lead busy lifestyles that do not support a healthy pregnancy. Be understanding and do not press sensitive subjects if an intended parent doesn’t give you a direct answer to this question. There can be emotionally challenging circumstances behind the reasons intended parents choose surrogacy. They may ask you a similar question as to why you decided to become a surrogate. Be open and honest and you will find yourself building a lasting relationship with the intended parents.
Here are some questions for you to ask to learn more about the intended parents’ journey to family through surrogacy:
- Why have you chosen to use a surrogate mother?
- How did you learn about gestational surrogacy?
- What are your expectations with gestational surrogacy?
- What are you most excited about in regards to pursuing gestational surrogacy?
- Do you want a sibling journey if this surrogacy journey goes well?
3. Questions about Your Relationship with the Intended Parents
It is important to communicate your values and clarify any expectations for contact throughout the surrogacy, from start to finish. Sometimes, intended parents want regular updates, and other times the intended parents are content with simply attending the medical appointments. Make sure your wishes align with their expectations for their presence in your life. You may want to hear from the family after the baby is born, so asking about contact after the birth is a good way to gauge whether the family is hoping to develop a relationship with their surrogate mother.
Here are some questions for you to ask to learn more about your relationship with the intended parents during and post surrogacy:
- What communication/contact would you like throughout this process?
- Would you like to come to specific doctor’s appointments?
- How involved would you like to be during pregnancy?
- What updates would best help you as we go through the surrogacy journey together?
- Would you like to maintain contact after the baby is born?
4. Medical Questions to Ask Intended Parents
Gestational surrogacy involves in vitro fertilization (IVF) treatments to transfer an embryo to the surrogate mother’s womb. Not every attempt is successful. If the embryo does not successfully implant in your womb, it’s important to know the intended parents’ thoughts on this. In most cases, the intended parents and surrogate agree to three embryo transfer attempts. This improves the chances of success.
Here are some questions for you to ask to learn more about the intended parents’ medical expectations for the surrogacy journey:
- How many embryo transfers would you like to attempt?
- How many embryos would you like included in each transfer?
- Are you interested in having twins or triplets?
- What are your thoughts on selective reduction and termination of a pregnancy?
- Are you using your own eggs and sperm, or are you using an egg or sperm donor?
5. Family Questions for the Intended Parents
How do the intended parents plan to speak with the child about surrogacy? The answer will be a good indication of the intended parents’ openness and honesty, as well as their relationship with their families. Ask the individual or couple about whether or not their family supports them in this process. Having a support system is crucial for celebrating the developments and helping the intended parents deal with the emotions behind a long wait for their child. Most intended couples seeking a surrogate mother will have been waiting and hoping for a child for an extended period of time, and maintaining this hope is essential.
Here are some questions for you to ask to learn more about what the intended parents want their family to be like:
- How do you intend to speak with your child about surrogacy?
- Does your family support your decision to use a surrogate?
- Do you have a support system in place?
- What are some of your hopes and dreams for your child?
- What traditions do you hope to pass along to your child?
6. Lifestyle Questions to Ask Intended Parents
The intended parents will be interested in keeping their baby healthy and may have specific wishes to ask of you. If these are suitable with your plans to stay healthy, by all means, discuss the feasibility of their suggestions. After all, both you and the intended parents have the best wishes for the baby in mind. As a mother yourself, you know how important it is to trust those in charge of your children. Think of yourself as the guardian and protector of the potential baby. Interviewing the intended parents will help you to confirm whether they are the couple or individual you want to maintain a relationship with throughout the surrogacy journey.
Here are some questions for you to ask to learn more about what the intended parents’ life is like:
- Do you have any lifestyle expectations for your surrogate to adhere to? (for instance, is there a specific diet you have in mind that you’d like your surrogate to follow?)
- What does your day-to-day life look like?
- If both of you work, who will care for the baby?
- What kind of parents do you see yourselves being?
- When are you hoping to get started on your surrogacy journey?
Preparing for your Interview with the Intended Parents
Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado is here to support you throughout your surrogacy journey. For additional guidance or suggestions for questions for surrogates to ask intended parents in an interview, we encourage you to reach out to our team.
If you are interested in learning more about your gestational surrogacy options, contact Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Meet the Author: Madilyn Moeller is a writer and editor keen on translating the technical. Madilyn’s years of science writing shine through as she explains everything from health insurance to moving for her readers. Madilyn has a Bachelor of Arts from Miami University in Professional Writing, Psychology, and Neuroscience. She is a lifelong writer bringing her curiosity to the marketing stage, building websites and blogs for businesses moving online. She knows more about Medicare than any young adult should.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!