Adoption is an incredible journey for both birth and adoptive parents. The process is filled with many significant milestones that start from the moment that you decide to pursue adoption. Today, over 95% of adoptions are open, so contact between birth and prospective adoptive parents is very common.
When birth and prospective parents are matched in an open adoption, both parties will have the opportunity to meet each other. As this is a life-altering meeting, it is completely natural for both parties to experience some anxiety in regard to not knowing what to expect.
We were Matched! What Next?
For birth parents, placing your child for adoption is a difficult and selfless decision. You have the child’s best interests at heart and want to ensure that the child will be well-loved and taken care of.
When it seems that you have found the perfect family who is ready to give your child a happy home, you can become plagued with new doubts including wondering whether or not this is the best family for your child.
The waiting aspect of adoption can be a taxing experience for all parties involved. However, once you have been matched, you will likely be overcome with joy and excitement. Prospective parents might not expect to feel anxious regarding their meeting with the birth parents, they can feel pressure to make a good impression.
Adoption agencies work hard to make good matches when it comes to prospective adoptive and birth parents. By the time you have chosen the family that you feel would be a good fit, numerous hours have gone into making sure that it will be a good match. Be sure to keep that in mind before the initial meeting.
The Meeting between Prospective Adoptive and Birth Parents
The initial meeting between prospective adoptive and birth parents can cause some anxiety. There will be questions like: “How do I make a good impression?” or even “What if they don’t like me?” These invasive questions can add to the anxiety to your first meeting. Here are some of the most important things to consider in preparation of your meeting with each other.
Arranging the initial meeting. There may be some travel involved in the event that the adoption occurs across state lines or the birth mother doesn’t live close to the prospective adoptive parents. Choosing where to meet is important. You’ll want to find somewhere that is intimate enough to allow a private conversing go on without fear of being overheard or unnecessarily interrupted.
What should I bring? While bringing a gift might seem like the best way to break the ice when it comes to meeting one another, both parties should check with their agency when it comes to what to bring to the first meeting. Anecdotes suggest that bringing photo albums might be a great way to break the ice and introduce each other to your respective families.
Don’t try too hard. You may be tempted to focus on leaving a good impression. It’s a natural inclination to want others to think the best of you. Unfortunately, that can lead to both parties trying too hard to make a good impression. *Cliche Advice Warning* However, you should focus on being yourself and learning what you can about each other. Getting to know everyone involved is great for the peace-of-mind for all parties.
Be prepared for the possibility that there will be others at the meeting. The initial meeting between prospective adoptive and birth parents can be in the presence of an attorney or even include the birth mother’s parents. It all depends on the unique adoption circumstance.
Listen to what everyone has to say. For birth parents and prospective adoptive parents alike, this is a great opportunity to get to know more about each other on a personal level. Paying attention to what one another has to say isn’t only courteous, it allows you to gain key insights into the lives of everyone involved.
Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. This one can be difficult, especially when you are trying to get to know someone and learn about their lives. You might feel uncomfortable, but what if the other person isn’t aware that their questions have become too invasive? Just be honest, some topics such as finances may be off limits, and that’s okay. If you feel uncomfortable with answering something, be honest.
Meeting the Prospective Parents
The first meeting between adoptive parents and birth parents can be a cause of anxiety as both parties can feel pressure to make the best impression possible. In order to combat these feelings, both parties should be well-prepared for the initial meeting. Just be yourself and focus on learning what you can about each other, this could be the start of a life-long relationship!
Adoption Choices of Colorado
For more information on adoption please contact Adoption Choices of Colorado. We can reached via our website or phone 303-670-4401.
Support Adoption Choices
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with CrowdRise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more. But, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Davina grew up in the outskirts of New York City, before eventually moving to Buffalo, New York at the age of 10. Her passion for adoption comes from her own experiences of being in foster care and being an adoptee herself. She hopes to help others to understand the intricacies of adoption and encourage them to consider it as an option.
Davina is a proud Geneseo Knights alum having graduated in 2018. She has been writing for as long as she can remember and chose to pursue a degree in English with hopes of making her hobby a career. Thus far, she has enjoyed her time as an intern for Adoption Choices Inc. and looks forward to a bright future in writing. When she is not writing, she enjoys spending time with her family, building websites, and making lists.
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References:
“Your First Meeting With An Expectant Mother Considering Adoption: Tips for Success” America Adopts. 23 January 2019. http://www.americaadopts.com/first-meeting-with-an-expectant-mother-considering-adoption-tips-for-success/
“Meeting A Prospective Birthmother For The First Time: How To Make the Most of It.” Michelle Erich Law. 22 January 2019. http://www.americaadopts.com/meeting-a-prospective-birthmother-for-the-first-time-how-to-make-the-most-of-it/
“Openness in Adoption: Building Relationships Between Adoptive and Birth Families.” Child Welfare. 22 January 2019, https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/f_openadopt.pdf#page=1&view=Introduction
“Open Adoption.” Child Welfare, 22 January 2019, https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/f_openadoptbulletin.pdf
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!