From Christy
I am a proud adoptive mom and that was by far the best decision I have ever made. I had all the same fears and exciting moments as other parents, although my daughter was three when I adopted her.
In this blog I want to talk about how to develop a bond with your newborn. You may wonder will I be able to form a bond with this child? What feelings will I have? Will I instantly love my child or will it take time? How is the child going to feel about me? My spouse? How will the child bond with the rest of my family?
These are feelings and thoughts that adoptive parents and adoptive children often think about. Adoptive parents often have high expectations about how their new child will bond with them. But please rest assure, these feelings are no different than parents of biological children. We must remember, all children are different, and they learn things at a pace and speed that is right for him or her. Children learn to crawl and walk when they’re ready. They learn to talk when they’re ready. This is also true for their emotional development. Some babies like to cling to their blankets. Some children just don’t. Here are some helpful hints that are good to know when bonding with babies and children.
Skin contact is crucial when bonding with your newborn – for both parents, not just the mother. Have plenty of skin-to-skin cuddle time. Have the baby learn your voice, your smell, your touch and your heartbeat. Swaddle your baby in a sack, a baby Bjorn or a front wrap.
And on that note….when carrying your baby in a sling or front carrier — feel your baby’s warmth and look down often to make eye contact with your baby – which can help you bond.
Communicate throughout the day. Look into your baby’s eyes while you talk and sing to your baby. Narrate what you’re doing, thinking, and feeling.
Play the same music for your baby and sing the same songs. Repetition is important for your child. Music is comforting and the more and more you can establish and bond with music the more comfort the child will feel. Try to have a music time several times during the day.
Read – read a lot together. Make reading fun. This is a wonderful way to bond and a wonderful way to foster learning and curiosity. Cuddle up together with a colorful book. Reading books about adoption mixed with other baby books is crucial. How we became a family is very important and to talk about it in the beginning, all the way through makes for a natural transition. This makes it a part of their beautiful story. It is very important not to focus too much on the adoption so have a nice wide variety of book.
Play with your baby every day.
Also, hold your baby as much as possible. It is not good for babies to be left alone for long periods of crying. They learn to self-sooth and in an adoption scenario we want to create a very safe feeling. It is important to connect.
Spend plenty of close-up face time with your baby. Smile at your baby, and return the smile when your baby smiles first. Before long, you’ll be having a kind of conversation with your baby – when you smile, your baby smiles. And when you coo, your baby will coo back.
Be part of a support group and learn from other families on how they are bonding and open up a dialogue so you can share some of their helpful tips.
I hope when’s my daughter is older we can one day sit down and talk about the strong bond we have together, but in the meantime, I am just enjoying being her mom.
So remember…just be yourself. Let go of your expectations about bonding and let it all happen naturally. You will have good days and bad days…just like all families do…
Christy Ikeler,
Executive Director & Birth Parent Case Worker, Adoption Choices of Colorado
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!