What If The Adoptive Family Doesn’t Love Them As Their Own?
Expectant mothers considering adoption have a lot to think about. Worries and concerns about what happens to your baby after placement is completely normal. You might ask yourself: If I place my baby what if the adoptive family doesn’t love them as their own? Choosing not to raise your child does not invalidate the love and care you feel for him or her. Adoption is a choice made out of love, not selfishness. If you’re a pregnant woman considering adoption in Colorado, contact us at Adoption Choices of Colorado. We’re here to answer your questions, address concerns, and provide as much information as possible about the adoption process.
- Colorado Adoptions
As the birth mother, you have full control of the adoption process. This includes choosing the type of adoption, adoptive family, birth plan, and all other details you want to document in your adoption plan. Although you may feel you have to rush through all of the specifics, it is best to take your time deciding what you’d like your child’s future life to look like. Talking it through with your adoption professional or other birth mothers is a wonderful way to accumulate insight that can help you decide what is important to you personally.
Modern adoptions are mostly open or semi-open meaning you and the birth father, if he is involved, will remain in your child’s life. In open adoptions, communication can be achieved through phone calls, face-to-face time, skype calls, or letters. As the birth mother, it is up to you to decide how you want communication with your child to go. These details will be placed in your adoption plan. This allows your adoption professional to match proper prospective adoptive families based on your communication requests.
Semi-open adoption differs by having a third party facilitate the communication. In most cases, the adoption agency will act as the middle man between yourself and the adoptive family but there is the option to use lawyers as well. Letters, pictures, and anything else will be given to the third party and then transferred over to the adoptive family or to you. This allows privacy to the family and to you but keeps a pillar of trust and connection between yourself and your child after placement.
Closed adoptions are adoption where there is no communication between you and your child post-placement. Each birth mother’s experience and needs are different. If you decide a closed adoption is what is best for both you and your child there is no shame in going that route. Sometimes, closed adoption is the healthiest choice for you and your child.
- The Adoptive Family
Regardless of the choice, placing your child with an adoptive family can still bring up doubts. These feelings are completely valid and you should not bottle them up. Adoption agencies in Colorado can help you by providing resources for therapy to help you during the adoption process. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Talking through your emotions and fears, such as post-placement fears, is important for healing after placement.
Screening prospective adoptive families is a major component of the adoption process. Birth mothers are completely in control when it comes to choosing the adoptive family. Prospective families will sometimes send books to the birth mother that display photos, information about them, family history, and details about their lives. Interviewing and getting to know the adoptive family is another factor that helps birth mothers feel comfortable in their choice.
You can select adoptive families that have children, don’t have their own children, or have other adoptive children. If you’re worried about the prospective families not loving your child as their own it may benefit you to interview families that have already adopted other children. Seeing how they interact with their other adoptive child or children can give you a picture of what their child’s life will look like.
The relationship between yourself and the possible adoptive family is founded on trust and communication. If you believe you’ve found the adoptive family but want to continue to get to know them before placement you are absolutely able to! You can go through the adoption professional to facilitate time with them or any other communication. In the end, if you end up changing your mind before the baby is born you have the right to do so.
The Adoptive Family and Your Adoption Process in Colorado
Are you considering adoption in Colorado? Let us guide you through the process and lend a helping hand during this time in your life. You are creating a great life for your child by finding a family that will love and cherish your child. Fearing that the adoptive family won’t love your child properly is a natural reaction some birth mothers experience. We can help you choose the best adoptive family for your child and work through any fears or concerns you have.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!