I Placed My Baby for Adoption and Don’t Feel Sad or Guilty; Is Something Wrong with Me? 

By River Jean-Noel

People’s emotional responses to the same situation can vary wildly. The same holds true for birth mothers who place their baby for adoption. Some women may experience sadness, grief, or guilt about placing their baby for adoption. If you don’t fall in that category, there’s nothing wrong with that! Your emotional response is valid and completely normal for you. The choice to place a baby for adoption is filled with complexities unique to each individual’s experience.

If you’re considering adoption and don’t know how to feel, we understand what you’re going through emotionally. If you have already placed your baby for adoption and are now asking, “Is something wrong with me if I don’t feel guilty?” we’re here to say, “No!” 

There is nothing wrong with you if you don’t feel bad about placing your baby for adoption. In this article, we’ll discuss why you shouldn’t be worried. 

Why a Birth Mother Might feel Bad About Placing Baby for Adoption

If a woman does feel negative feelings about placing her baby for adoption, that’s understandable. Although adoption is a selfless and loving choice, some women may still be wracked with feelings of guilt. Here are a few reasons that may be. 

  • Unfortunately, adoption has a negative connotation. Due to social stigma, adoption still carries a negative tone to many people. This can make the birth mother feel ashamed. 
  • Sometimes, a birth mother may want to keep her child. She might decide on adoption after assessing her situation and realizing she’s not ready. This can make her feel sad, though, since she would love to raise her baby. 
  • She bonded to her child while carrying and imagined what it would be like to raise the baby. Carrying a child for nine months is a life-changing experience for many women. Imagine a human living and growing inside you for almost a year; it’s hard to grasp the emotion involved. If a woman bonded with her baby while it developed, she may be overcome with sadness after the adoption.
  • She is curious about how her baby is growing. Curiosity can open up a doorway to a lot of “what ifs.” This can lead to worry, anxiety, and guilt after the adoption is finalized. If a birth mother is worried about her baby, she may begin to feel guilty about the adoption. She might start off being curious and eventually go down a rabbit hole of worry and self-doubt.

Why Don’t I Feel Bad About Placing My Baby for Adoption? 

Here are some reasons it’s okay to not feel bad about placing your baby for adoption: 

  • Adoption is an empowering choice for an unplanned pregnancy. You know that your decision was made out of love, not guilt. You don’t feel bad because you do not feel shame in your decision, which is a good thing!
  • You were pregnant and not in a good place to parent. You chose to prioritize the life of your child over your own pride. It’s hard to admit that you’re not financially or emotionally ready for a child. You chose to acknowledge that and plan a better life for your child. 
  • It wasn’t the right time for you to have a child. Maybe you wanted to focus on your career or your education. You recognized that raising a child is a lot of responsibility and takes time. You made a choice for your and your child’s best interest. 
  • You trust that your baby will have a great life with loving adoptive parents. You diligently searched for adoption agencies in Colorado and were satisfied with the selection of adoptive parents you saw. Because you were able to interview your child’s future parents, you trust your child will be well cared for. 

Should I Seek Therapy If I Don’t Feel Bad About Placing My Baby For Adoption?

Whether or not to seek counseling services is up to you. It’s always advised that you keep counseling as an option. At any point, your feelings may change, and it’s wise to seek professional help. Even if you don’t feel negative feelings right after the adoption is finalized, you may feel them later. Therapy can give you a positive outlet to discuss your thoughts. It can also help you come to terms with whatever emotions you feel towards your adoption journey. 

If you don’t feel bad, that’s okay. It’s a good idea to discuss any emotions with a professional who can help you connect with your inner self. You might find it beneficial in solidifying your positive feelings. There’s no shame in asking a therapist, “Why don’t I feel bad about choosing adoption for my baby?” A licensed mental health professional can offer insight and help you accept your emotions. 

Adoption Should Not Make You Feel Bad 

If you’re considering adoption, you should know that how you feel about adoption is a personal experience. Afterward, you may feel content and satisfied with your choice, or you may feel sad and guilty. Both these feelings are valid, as each woman can experience different emotions during and after the adoption process. 

You may be thinking, “I want to put my baby up for adoption.” Adoption Choices of Colorado is one of the best adoption agencies in Colorado. We offer private adoption in Colorado and have a wide variety of resources to help birth mothers. 

At Adoption Choices of Colorado, our adoption process is always birth mother-centered. We take our time to develop an adoption plan and talk to the expectant mother about her choice. You work with our adoption counselors from the beginning to the end of your adoption journey. We never want you to feel that “something is wrong” if you don’t feel bad about choosing adoption. Adoption is always a positive, empowering choice you make for you and your baby’s future. It’s okay to feel good about that! 

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