I Don’t Feel Guilty about Placing My Baby for Adoption, Is Something Wrong with Me?
By Kaitlyn Chrisemer
If you’re considering adoption for your baby, you may have a lot of fears and worries surrounding the topic. You may worry about your feelings after giving your baby up for adoption. Many birth mothers are hesitant to choose adoption because they’re afraid they’ll feel guilty about their decision later in life. However, some women are scared they’ll feel joy or relief after their adoption is finalized.
This may not sound bad – a birth mother being happy with her decision to place her baby for adoption. Yet, feeling happiness after adoption finalization can also lead to feelings of guilt. It may make a birth mother feel like she is a bad person. Unfortunately, many people believe that birth mothers should feel bad for putting their children up for adoption. They think that if birth mothers feel anything but guilt, regret, and sadness, they’re selfish and heartless. However, this is not at all the case. Adoption Choices of Colorado wants to help end this way of thinking.
If you need adoption help now, please call or text us at 303-670-4673 (HOPE) or visit us at Adoption Choices of Colorado.
Why You Chose Adoption
As a start, we want you to remember why you chose adoption for your baby. Adoption isn’t the only option when it comes to an unplanned pregnancy. Although adoption is an emotionally strenuous process, you decided to go through the adoption process. You made all the tough decisions – closed or open adoption, adoption plan, adoptive family, hospital plan, etc.
You made this decision out of love and caring for your child. You acknowledged and understood that your child could have a better life with another family. Remember that you believed adoption was the best option for you and your child.
Why You Might Feel Relief or Joy after Adoption
Yes, you may feel a sense of relief after your adoption is finalized. You may even feel joy. However, do not let yourself turn those feelings around and cause guilt. Allow yourself to feel whatever you need without judgment from yourself or others. At our adoption agencies in Colorado, we deal with all different kinds of birth mothers. Each adoption is unique and brings its own emotions with it.
You may feel happy or relieved after your adoption placement. This is okay. An unplanned pregnancy is a big life change requiring much thought and sudden action. Creating an adoption plan and making all these decisions can take up much of your emotional energy. Once the journey is finally over, it’s okay to feel relieved.
Additionally, relief may indicate how much you care about your child – although it may sound counterintuitive. You may feel relief because you’re comfortable with the placement and are confident that your child is safe. Especially if yours is an open adoption and you see your child with their adoptive family, feeling relief is normal. Being able to see that your child is loved and cared for can cause feelings of joy and relief to come up. Don’t let anyone’s judgment or preconceived notions make you second-guess your feelings. No matter what you feel, it’s okay that you feel that way.
No, Nothing is Wrong with You for Choosing Adoption
Even if you don’t think your relief comes purely from knowing your child is safe, it’s okay. If you feel happy after your adoption is finalized, nothing is wrong with you. The adoption process can be a long and difficult one. You may just feel relief that it is over. It’s also okay if you feel relieved because you can get back to your life now that the baby is gone. We understand that you had a life before you got pregnant. You should be able to have a life after as well.
Don’t feel guilty because of your decision based on what would be best for you and your child. It’s okay to feel relieved that this emotionally distressing time in your life is over. Nothing is wrong with you regardless of what emotions you feel after adoption finalization.
Life After Adoption
If you feel relief after your adoption, you’re likely to be able to adjust to life after adoption more easily. Remember to keep track of your feelings and reach out for help if you begin to notice a downward trend. Adoption Choices of Colorado is always here to help you with anything adoption-related.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!