Although placing a child for adoption is a beautiful choice that can be a gift for the child, the birth parents, and the adoptive parents, not everyone understands this. In fact, some pregnant women face undue criticism about their decision to place a baby for adoption from even their closest family and friends.
Hopefully, you find yourself in a supportive environment as you go through your pregnancy and the adoption process. However, if you don’t, here are a few tips to help you deal with that criticism.
Focus on Your Why
You have specific reasons for placing the baby for adoption. When you focus on those reasons, it’s easy to remember you’re making the right choice. This doesn’t help dissolve anyone’s negativity, but it does help you stay resilient in the face of criticism. The stronger you feel about your decision, the less impact that negativity will have on you.
Depending upon your relationship with the person who disagrees with your decision, you may be able to have a heart-to-heart talk with him or her. If you can’t do this face-to-face, consider writing a letter. Tell this person that you appreciate their concern, but that you have already considered all the points they’ve made and you still know this is the right decision for you and the child. Tell them you could really use their support right now, and that you would love for them to respect your decision, even if they don’t agree with it.
In some cases, this might not have any effect on the person, but you may feel better knowing you said what you needed to say.
Spend Less Time with Negative People
Even when you know you’re making the right decision, criticism and negativity is exhausting. You don’t need to deal with that when you’re focused on having a healthy pregnancy and taking the steps required to complete the adoption process.
We know it’s not always possible to distance yourself from negative people. You might be living with them under the same roof! But if you have a particular friend or family member who is especially hard on you, you might have to distance yourself from that person during your pregnancy.
Be Prepared with a Response
Sometimes, criticism can come from someone unexpected. Maybe you run into a friend of a friend who expresses disapproval of your decision. Although this person is not entitled to your response, being prepared for such an occasion and knowing what you want to say can feel empowering. You might say something like, “Thank you for your concern, but my biggest concern is this child, and I’m doing what I know is best for him.”
Surround Yourself with Support
There are people out there who trust your judgment and believe in your decision. Spend as much time as you can with those people.
You might have certain friends or family members who support you even when others don’t. Tell them you appreciate their help and that you would like to stay in close contact during your pregnancy, especially because certain other friends are not as supportive. In some cases, your supportive friends might be able to speak with your unsupportive friends and encourage them to ease up.
Furthermore, we support you. We know the weight of the decision you made, and we know what a beautiful choice it is for you, the baby, and a family you haven’t even met yet.
You always have a home here. If you’re dealing with negativity, know that you can come see us or contact us any time.
Remember: It’s Your Decision
No one else has to live with the results of your decision. People may pressure you to raise the baby yourself, but they are not the ones who have to rearrange their lives to care for a baby, they are not the ones tasked with providing opportunities as the child grows, and they are not the ones who are responsible for creating a safe, loving environment to help a child thrive.
You know your personal situation better than anyone. You understand your own financial constraints, personal interests, and concerns, and you know in your heart whether the child is better off with you or with an adoptive family. Trust your decision, even when others don’t. You know what’s best for you and the baby.