How to Cope with Post-Adoption as the Birth Mother

By Talia Washington

How do you deal with the aftermath of placing a child up for adoption? Understand that there’s no strict way to deal with something as life-changing as the adoption process. Each person is different, and what works for one person may not work for another.

After placing a child for adoption, the whirlwind of emotions can be wrecking. It’s normal, considering all that’s changed in the past nine months. Dealing with the adoption process, planning, and execution does not leave much time for processing. Now that it’s done, the body and mind will need time to readjust to the changes. 

So, what do you do in the meantime with all the negative emotions? It’s common to feel symptoms of post-partum depression, anger, guilt, and grieving. How do you get over something so emotionally ravaging? 

How to Cope as the Birth Parent

Adoption Choices of Colorado and adoption agencies in Colorado offer counseling. It can be healthy to find a stable, safe place to work through your emotions and heal. Safe people and places could be a support group, a therapist, or friends. It’s important to know there are resources, support, and caring individuals to help you understand that you are not alone. Figuring out what you are feeling is the first step. 

It is important to determine what you are experiencing to aid therapy and self-help. Asking questions opens the door to understanding where the negative emotions stem from. Here are some questions to consider.

  • What thoughts bring about negative feelings?
  • Are you fearful of your child’s or people’s judgment?
  • Do you feel like you made the right decision?
  • What type of adoption did you choose and why?

 Answering these questions may give you an idea of what you should speak with a therapist or trusted person about.  Adoption Choices of Colorado offers birth mothers life time counseling and resources.

Birth Parent’s Emotions Post-Adoption

You are here because you have completed the adoption process and are struggling with conflicting feelings. It’s normal to wonder about how things could have been different. Dealing with something as complex and life-changing could not have been handled better. You have braved adoption hearings and endless meetings. 

Regret, anguish, anger, and even grieving are common responses to choosing adoption. It may be hard to cope with the feeling of the child you birthed being away. You will miss them, but trust you made the right decision.

You considered adoption initially because where you are is not ideal for raising a child, and you graciously asked for help. Acknowledging that you are not prepared took strength. Allowing yourself to help not only requires strength but also selflessness, consideration, and courage.

Do not become discouraged or make drastic decisions when feeling these emotions. Your caring about the child’s future brought you to this point. Handling something as emotionally daunting as the adoption process is not to be looked over. The negative emotions are normal and only mean you care about the child.

Dealing with Negative and Twisted Opinions of Adoption in Colorado 

 The first step to healing is acknowledging and disregarding the negative. You are not a bad person, nor did you give your child away. Family members, neighbors, not even your parents know what’s best for you besides you. It is not healthy to be near negativity or people who will look down on you because of your decision. Surround yourself with love, support, comfort, and positive experiences. 

Adoption Choices of Colorado knows the course of action is unclear when you are pregnant and can’t be a parent. You are a woman who handled a nearly impossible situation with care, consideration, and love for the child you carried. Your circumstances are your own; never let anyone make you feel bad for having to put the baby up for adoption.

Life After Adoption – Healthy Relationships with Adoptive Families Post-Adoption

You made it through an unplanned pregnancy and the adoption process. It’s not an easy process, and working through emotions post-adoption can be exhausting. Don’t forget your resources and positive outlets. You have given your child a chance at a better life, and no one can take that away from you. When it comes to dealing with post-adoption, certain adoption types may have varying emotions. Birth mothers who have chosen open adoption may experience more or less negative emotions or regret.

 If you have chosen open adoption for my baby, maintaining a healthy relationship with the adoptive parents is crucial. Both parties must respect the boundaries put in place during the adoption plan. If the adjustment period is not dealt with properly, it can lead to self-destruction and low self-esteem. 

Adoption Choices of Colorado encourages birth mothers to reach out during this difficult adjustment. If you or someone you know is dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, don’t hesitate to reach out. Adoption Colorado works directly with the birth mother to discuss adoption options and how to give the baby up for adoption.

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