How to Cope with Post-Adoption as the Birth Mother
By Talia Washington
How do you deal with the aftermath of placing a child up for adoption? Understand that there’s no strict way to deal with something as life-changing as the adoption process. Each person is different, and what works for one person may not work for another.
After placing a child for adoption, the whirlwind of emotions can be wrecking. It’s normal, considering all that’s changed in the past nine months. Dealing with the adoption process, planning, and execution does not leave much time for processing. Now that it’s done, the body and mind will need time to readjust to the changes.
So, what do you do in the meantime with all the negative emotions? It’s common to feel symptoms of post-partum depression, anger, guilt, and grieving. How do you get over something so emotionally ravaging?
How to Cope as the Birth Parent
Adoption Choices of Colorado and adoption agencies in Colorado offer counseling. It can be healthy to find a stable, safe place to work through your emotions and heal. Safe people and places could be a support group, a therapist, or friends. It’s important to know there are resources, support, and caring individuals to help you understand that you are not alone. Figuring out what you are feeling is the first step.
It is important to determine what you are experiencing to aid therapy and self-help. Asking questions opens the door to understanding where the negative emotions stem from. Here are some questions to consider.
- What thoughts bring about negative feelings?
- Are you fearful of your child’s or people’s judgment?
- Do you feel like you made the right decision?
- What type of adoption did you choose and why?
Answering these questions may give you an idea of what you should speak with a therapist or trusted person about. Adoption Choices of Colorado offers birth mothers life time counseling and resources.
Birth Parent’s Emotions Post-Adoption
You are here because you have completed the adoption process and are struggling with conflicting feelings. It’s normal to wonder about how things could have been different. Dealing with something as complex and life-changing could not have been handled better. You have braved adoption hearings and endless meetings.
Regret, anguish, anger, and even grieving are common responses to choosing adoption. It may be hard to cope with the feeling of the child you birthed being away. You will miss them, but trust you made the right decision.
You considered adoption initially because where you are is not ideal for raising a child, and you graciously asked for help. Acknowledging that you are not prepared took strength. Allowing yourself to help not only requires strength but also selflessness, consideration, and courage.
Do not become discouraged or make drastic decisions when feeling these emotions. Your caring about the child’s future brought you to this point. Handling something as emotionally daunting as the adoption process is not to be looked over. The negative emotions are normal and only mean you care about the child.
Dealing with Negative and Twisted Opinions of Adoption in Colorado
The first step to healing is acknowledging and disregarding the negative. You are not a bad person, nor did you give your child away. Family members, neighbors, not even your parents know what’s best for you besides you. It is not healthy to be near negativity or people who will look down on you because of your decision. Surround yourself with love, support, comfort, and positive experiences.
Adoption Choices of Colorado knows the course of action is unclear when you are pregnant and can’t be a parent. You are a woman who handled a nearly impossible situation with care, consideration, and love for the child you carried. Your circumstances are your own; never let anyone make you feel bad for having to put the baby up for adoption.
Life After Adoption – Healthy Relationships with Adoptive Families Post-Adoption
You made it through an unplanned pregnancy and the adoption process. It’s not an easy process, and working through emotions post-adoption can be exhausting. Don’t forget your resources and positive outlets. You have given your child a chance at a better life, and no one can take that away from you. When it comes to dealing with post-adoption, certain adoption types may have varying emotions. Birth mothers who have chosen open adoption may experience more or less negative emotions or regret.
If you have chosen open adoption for my baby, maintaining a healthy relationship with the adoptive parents is crucial. Both parties must respect the boundaries put in place during the adoption plan. If the adjustment period is not dealt with properly, it can lead to self-destruction and low self-esteem.
Adoption Choices of Colorado encourages birth mothers to reach out during this difficult adjustment. If you or someone you know is dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, don’t hesitate to reach out. Adoption Colorado works directly with the birth mother to discuss adoption options and how to give the baby up for adoption.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!