How to Choose an Adoptive Family as a Birth Mother in Colorado
So, you have entered the adoption process and have worked your way through many important decisions, but now there is a decision to make that seems almost insurmountable. That is, choosing an adoptive family for your child. Don’t stress too much, though, because it is actually easier than you think. Maybe not the easiest thing anyone will ever do, but it isn’t the massive, unclimbable mountain you are perhaps picturing in your mind.
The first thing to come to terms with is that, as the birth mother, you actually get a lot of say in the matter of selecting an adoptive family. Let’s see how that all works out.
How will I Get Information on Adoptive Families?
It might be best to describe this in a linear way so you know how this part of the adoption process works. Think of it as “farm to table” — a lot happens behind the scenes before you are even presented with potential adoptive families. To start, a family looking to adopt a child will apply with our adoption agency, Adoption Choices of Colorado. They will then go through several background checks and home visitations.
During this time, the potential adoptive family will think about what type of adoption they would be comfortable pursuing with you. There is open adoption, semi-open adoption, and closed adoption. Each is a different path that may be right for different people, and there is no one correct answer with which one you should or shouldn’t choose.
If the adoptive family is approved, they will gather some additional information about themselves to share with potential birth mothers. They might include details about their values, hobbies, and wishes for a family. All of this is gathered up in an easily-digestible scrapbook format for you to read. Often, a more personalized “Dear Birth Mother” letter is included as well to provide some ease of mind.
How will I Know which Adoptive Family to Choose?
When thinking about how to choose an adoptive family, it’s usually best to not worry about small variations. For instance, if you like one sports team and the adoptive family likes another, that is not the end of the world. If you grew up in a city and the adoptive family lives on a farm, which may be unfamiliar, that is also not necessarily a deal breaker.
At the end of the day, what really matters to most people is their values — who they are at their core. Find an adoptive family who shares your morality and cares about the welfare of your child. That way, the decisions they make will hopefully be the decisions you would make, and you can rest easy.
Don’t I want Some Things in Common if I Plan on Having an Open Adoption?
While having 100% similar hobbies or interests is unlikely or even impossible to occur, this is a valid concern. However, if you pick the right adoptive family, based on values and morality, then you should already have some things in common. People can share hobbies and yet still be polar opposites that have difficulty establishing a friendship. Every good personal connection needs a solid foundation and values (such as showing kindness toward others) are a good place to start.
This is especially true if you are planning on having an open adoption where you may have to interact with the adoptive family you choose on a more regular basis. To be very blunt, we all want to be around people that we can stand. Still, managing an open adoption can be a bit of a learning curve, so it’s best to remember to be a bit lenient and have plenty of graciousness.
What should I Do if I Still have No Idea How to Choose an Adoptive Family?
You can always get second opinions, whether it be from important people in your life or from your adoption caseworker at Adoption Choices of Colorado — the latter has most likely had tons of great experience dealing with the questions you are facing. Adoption can be scary, yes, but it’s important to remember that there are so many successful adoption stories out there. Birth mothers place their children for adoption every day, and many still choose to see them through open adoptions. You can absolutely have a long-lasting connection with your child and their adoptive family, and picking that adoptive family can be a very streamlined process if you are just true to yourself and your beliefs.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Meet the Author: Nathan Dyer is a university student majoring in Communication Arts with a radio/TV/film focus. He enjoys writing professionally and dealing with hands-on problems in real-world scenarios. Among his hobbies is hiking, which always encourages him to explore new places. He looks forward to crafting written materials in the future that serve to help people from all walks of life.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!