How to Choose an Adoptive Family as a Birth Mother in Colorado

So, you have entered the adoption process and have worked your way through many important decisions, but now there is a decision to make that seems almost insurmountable. That is, choosing an adoptive family for your child. Don’t stress too much, though, because it is actually easier than you think. Maybe not the easiest thing anyone will ever do, but it isn’t the massive, unclimbable mountain you are perhaps picturing in your mind.

The first thing to come to terms with is that, as the birth mother, you actually get a lot of say in the matter of selecting an adoptive family. Let’s see how that all works out.

How will I Get Information on Adoptive Families?

It might be best to describe this in a linear way so you know how this part of the adoption process works. Think of it as “farm to table” — a lot happens behind the scenes before you are even presented with potential adoptive families. To start, a family looking to adopt a child will apply with our adoption agency, Adoption Choices of Colorado. They will then go through several background checks and home visitations.

During this time, the potential adoptive family will think about what type of adoption they would be comfortable pursuing with you. There is open adoption, semi-open adoption, and closed adoption. Each is a different path that may be right for different people, and there is no one correct answer with which one you should or shouldn’t choose.

If the adoptive family is approved, they will gather some additional information about themselves to share with potential birth mothers. They might include details about their values, hobbies, and wishes for a family. All of this is gathered up in an easily-digestible scrapbook format for you to read.  Often, a more personalized “Dear Birth Mother” letter is included as well to provide some ease of mind.

How will I Know which Adoptive Family to Choose?

When thinking about how to choose an adoptive family, it’s usually best to not worry about small variations. For instance, if you like one sports team and the adoptive family likes another, that is not the end of the world. If you grew up in a city and the adoptive family lives on a farm, which may be unfamiliar, that is also not necessarily a deal breaker.

At the end of the day, what really matters to most people is their values — who they are at their core.  Find an adoptive family who shares your morality and cares about the welfare of your child. That way, the decisions they make will hopefully be the decisions you would make, and you can rest easy.

Don’t I want Some Things in Common if I Plan on Having an Open Adoption?

While having 100% similar hobbies or interests is unlikely or even impossible to occur, this is a valid concern. However, if you pick the right adoptive family, based on values and morality, then you should already have some things in common. People can share hobbies and yet still be polar opposites that have difficulty establishing a friendship. Every good personal connection needs a solid foundation and values (such as showing kindness toward others) are a good place to start.

This is especially true if you are planning on having an open adoption where you may have to interact with the adoptive family you choose on a more regular basis. To be very blunt, we all want to be around people that we can stand. Still, managing an open adoption can be a bit of a learning curve, so it’s best to remember to be a bit lenient and have plenty of graciousness.

What should I Do if I Still have No Idea How to Choose an Adoptive Family?

You can always get second opinions, whether it be from important people in your life or from your adoption caseworker at Adoption Choices of Colorado — the latter has most likely had tons of great experience dealing with the questions you are facing. Adoption can be scary, yes, but it’s important to remember that there are so many successful adoption stories out there. Birth mothers place their children for adoption every day, and many still choose to see them through open adoptions. You can absolutely have a long-lasting connection with your child and their adoptive family, and picking that adoptive family can be a very streamlined process if you are just true to yourself and your beliefs.

If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.

Meet the Author: Nathan Dyer is a university student majoring in Communication Arts with a radio/TV/film focus. He enjoys writing professionally and dealing with hands-on problems in real-world scenarios. Among his hobbies is hiking, which always encourages him to explore new places. He looks forward to crafting written materials in the future that serve to help people from all walks of life.

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