Mother’s Day is finally here, and you’ve been anticipating it all year. As an adoptive mother, this holiday is one you hold close to your heart. It’s a day dedicated to you, a day your family shows their appreciation and love for all you do.
As happy as you are, you can’t help but wonder about your child’s birth mother. Your heart is bursting with love, but you keep asking yourself how you’d feel if the roles were reversed. It’s okay to feel this way!
Adoption Choices of Colorado knows Mother’s Day is a celebration honoring you, the mother of the family. But it’s also a day to celebrate maternal bonds and the influence of mothers in society. We’re here to let you know it’s more than okay to honor your child’s birth mother on Mother’s Day. We even have a few suggestions for ways to help celebrate her!
BIRTH MOTHERS ARE MOTHERS TOO
While Mother’s Day is a wonderful day to celebrate moms and the sacrifice they make for their children, more often than not, birth mothers are left feeling unworthy of the holiday.
Mothers are honored for the love and devotion, the care they show their children. But birth mothers are often overlooked on Mother’s Day, as they aren’t the ones who wake up in the middle of the night to soothe their children back into peaceful sleep. What birth mother’s do, however, is place their children with parents who are able to give their children the best lives possible. They make a sacrifice for the well-being of their child, while also helping a family blossom. Birth mothers give their children roots. Adoptive parents give them wings.
Whatever the reason your child’s birth mother placed her child with you, she still felt all the emotions of a new mother, as you did: the immediate maternal attachment, unwilling self-doubt, and fear of being inadequate. Birth mothers are still mothers, just in a different way.
WAYS TO HONOR HER ON MOTHER’S DAY
For families in the adoption community, Mother’s Day could not be celebrated without also acknowledging one of the greatest maternal sacrifices of all. Adoption is a courageous choice made by birth mothers – women who not only gave their children life, but also gave their children a life to look forward to through adoption. Through their choice, many adoptive families have had the opportunity to grow. Big or small, there are ways to honor your child’s birth mother on Mother’s Day:
- Celebrate National Birth Mother’s Day. Every Saturday before Mother’s Day is celebrated as Birth Mother’s Day. It is a day where many adoptive families honor the women who helped make their families possible. Some families like to dedicate this day to the birth mother, while others like to celebrate both adoptive mothers and birth mothers on Mother’s Day. Truly, whatever works best for your family is probably the right answer, but recognizing your child’s birth mother during the weekend will be beneficial to your child emotionally and the parent-child relationship.
- Retell your child’s adoption story. Words are powerful because they have meaning. Regardless of the level of openness in adoption, children are curious about their birth parents, for they are an important part of his or her history. Talking about your child’s birth parents in no way reduces your role as a parent or changes the relationship you have with your child. If anything, it will build trust, bring your family closer together, and ensure your child understands his or her origins and identity. Try putting time aside to remind your child of the special moment his or her birth mother shared him or her with you.
- Send her a thoughtful gift. The simplest of gestures often mean the most. Having a birth mother choose you to raise her child is a priceless gift that you can never repay. Even so, many adoptive parents choose to express their feelings for a birth parent by giving them a meaningful gift. Some gift ideas include flowers, a photo album, a handmade gift, a meaningful card, a commemorative piece of jewelry, or any item chosen by your child. Involving your child in the gift-giving process is an effective way to honor the child’s birth mother.
Whatever you and your child decide to do, make sure that your appreciation is from the heart. Mother’s Day is difficult for many birth mothers, no matter their satisfaction with their adoption, and taking the time to make her feel heard will help her through any challenging emotions she has.
ALL MOMS MATTER
On Mother’s Day and every day, it’s important to remember that all moms matter. Whatever you do, as an adoptive parent, to celebrate your child’s birth mother on Mother’s Day, it’s the thought that counts.
Children in open adoptions understand the different roles their adoptive mothers and birth mothers play in their life. Don’t hesitate to celebrate their birth mothers for fear they will be confused about these roles.
Adoption Choices of Colorado is here to help all mother’s celebrate Mother’s Day! We know that love makes a mother, not parenting or genetics.
Annual Birth Mother’s Day Brunch Celebration
Adoption Choices of Colorado would like to invite all birth mothers to an annual brunch celebration on Saturday, May 11th at 11:00am. Please mark your calendars and come to: Mimi’s Cafe on 14265 W Colfax Ave. This information will be posted on our Facebook and Instagram pages as well.
Adoption Choices of Colorado
For more information on adoption please contact Adoption Choices of Colorado. We can reached via our website or phone 303-670-4401.
Support Adoption Choices
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.
However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Patience Bramlett, a University of Southern Mississippi news editorial graduate, is a seasoned and award-winning freelance writer. She is also a passionate reader, whose only wish is to live life without fear of the unknown. Her motivation and inspiration to live her best life stems from the words of John Lennon:
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
This year, she’s joining Adoption Choices Inc. as an Editorial Intern. Fueled by her love of family, she hopes to educate those looking to grow their families through adoption.
When Patience is not exploring Colorado with her husband, she’s drinking coffee, forever figuring out how to tame her hair, growing her library, and trying to break into the publishing career.
“Honoring Your Child’s Birth Mom on Mother’s Day.” Nightlight Christian Adoptions, 9 May 2018, www.nightlight.org/2018/05/honoring-your-childs-birth-mom-on-mothers-day/.
Nilsen, Melissa. “A Birthmother on Mother’s Day.” America Adopts, 28 Apr. 2016, www.americaadopts.com/birthmother-on-mothers-day/.
Randolph, Brooke. “How Can I Honor My Child’s Birth Mom on Mother’s Day.” MLJ Adoptions, 23 Apr. 2013, www.mljadoptions.com/blog/how-can-i-honor-my-childs-birth-mom-on-mothers-day-20130423.
Strickland, Nicole. “Ways to Honor Your Child’s Birth Mom on Mother’s Day.” Adopting, 8 May 2015, www.adopting.com/adoption-blog/ways-to-honor-your-childs-birth-mom-on-mothers-day.