Mother’s Day is finally here, and you’ve been anticipating it all year. As an adoptive mother, this holiday is one you hold close to your heart. It’s a day dedicated to you, a day your family shows their appreciation and love for all you do.
As happy as you are, you can’t help but wonder about your child’s birth mother. Your heart is bursting with love, but you keep asking yourself how you’d feel if the roles were reversed. It’s okay to feel this way!
Adoption Choices of Colorado knows Mother’s Day is a celebration honoring you, the mother of the family. But it’s also a day to celebrate maternal bonds and the influence of mothers in society. We’re here to let you know it’s more than okay to honor your child’s birth mother on Mother’s Day. We even have a few suggestions for ways to help celebrate her!
BIRTH MOTHERS ARE MOTHERS TOO
While Mother’s Day is a wonderful day to celebrate moms and the sacrifice they make for their children, more often than not, birth mothers are left feeling unworthy of the holiday.
Mothers are honored for the love and devotion, the care they show their children. But birth mothers are often overlooked on Mother’s Day, as they aren’t the ones who wake up in the middle of the night to soothe their children back into peaceful sleep. What birth mother’s do, however, is place their children with parents who are able to give their children the best lives possible. They make a sacrifice for the well-being of their child, while also helping a family blossom. Birth mothers give their children roots. Adoptive parents give them wings.
Whatever the reason your child’s birth mother placed her child with you, she still felt all the emotions of a new mother, as you did: the immediate maternal attachment, unwilling self-doubt, and fear of being inadequate. Birth mothers are still mothers, just in a different way.
WAYS TO HONOR HER ON MOTHER’S DAY
For families in the adoption community, Mother’s Day could not be celebrated without also acknowledging one of the greatest maternal sacrifices of all. Adoption is a courageous choice made by birth mothers – women who not only gave their children life, but also gave their children a life to look forward to through adoption. Through their choice, many adoptive families have had the opportunity to grow. Big or small, there are ways to honor your child’s birth mother on Mother’s Day:
- Celebrate National Birth Mother’s Day. Every Saturday before Mother’s Day is celebrated as Birth Mother’s Day. It is a day where many adoptive families honor the women who helped make their families possible. Some families like to dedicate this day to the birth mother, while others like to celebrate both adoptive mothers and birth mothers on Mother’s Day. Truly, whatever works best for your family is probably the right answer, but recognizing your child’s birth mother during the weekend will be beneficial to your child emotionally and the parent-child relationship.
- Retell your child’s adoption story. Words are powerful because they have meaning. Regardless of the level of openness in adoption, children are curious about their birth parents, for they are an important part of his or her history. Talking about your child’s birth parents in no way reduces your role as a parent or changes the relationship you have with your child. If anything, it will build trust, bring your family closer together, and ensure your child understands his or her origins and identity. Try putting time aside to remind your child of the special moment his or her birth mother shared him or her with you.
- Send her a thoughtful gift. The simplest of gestures often mean the most. Having a birth mother choose you to raise her child is a priceless gift that you can never repay. Even so, many adoptive parents choose to express their feelings for a birth parent by giving them a meaningful gift. Some gift ideas include flowers, a photo album, a handmade gift, a meaningful card, a commemorative piece of jewelry, or any item chosen by your child. Involving your child in the gift-giving process is an effective way to honor the child’s birth mother.
Whatever you and your child decide to do, make sure that your appreciation is from the heart. Mother’s Day is difficult for many birth mothers, no matter their satisfaction with their adoption, and taking the time to make her feel heard will help her through any challenging emotions she has.
ALL MOMS MATTER
On Mother’s Day and every day, it’s important to remember that all moms matter. Whatever you do, as an adoptive parent, to celebrate your child’s birth mother on Mother’s Day, it’s the thought that counts.
Children in open adoptions understand the different roles their adoptive mothers and birth mothers play in their life. Don’t hesitate to celebrate their birth mothers for fear they will be confused about these roles.
Adoption Choices of Colorado is here to help all mother’s celebrate Mother’s Day! We know that love makes a mother, not parenting or genetics.
Annual Birth Mother’s Day Brunch Celebration
Adoption Choices of Colorado would like to invite all birth mothers to an annual brunch celebration on Saturday, May 11th at 11:00am. Please mark your calendars and come to: Mimi’s Cafe on 14265 W Colfax Ave. This information will be posted on our Facebook and Instagram pages as well.
Adoption Choices of Colorado
For more information on adoption please contact Adoption Choices of Colorado. We can reached via our website or phone 303-670-4401.
Support Adoption Choices
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.
However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Patience Bramlett, a University of Southern Mississippi news editorial graduate, is a seasoned and award-winning freelance writer. She is also a passionate reader, whose only wish is to live life without fear of the unknown. Her motivation and inspiration to live her best life stems from the words of John Lennon:
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
This year, she’s joining Adoption Choices Inc. as an Editorial Intern. Fueled by her love of family, she hopes to educate those looking to grow their families through adoption.
When Patience is not exploring Colorado with her husband, she’s drinking coffee, forever figuring out how to tame her hair, growing her library, and trying to break into the publishing career.
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Bibliography
“Honoring Your Child’s Birth Mom on Mother’s Day.” Nightlight Christian Adoptions, 9 May 2018, www.nightlight.org/2018/05/honoring-your-childs-birth-mom-on-mothers-day/.
Nilsen, Melissa. “A Birthmother on Mother’s Day.” America Adopts, 28 Apr. 2016, www.americaadopts.com/birthmother-on-mothers-day/.
Randolph, Brooke. “How Can I Honor My Child’s Birth Mom on Mother’s Day.” MLJ Adoptions, 23 Apr. 2013, www.mljadoptions.com/blog/how-can-i-honor-my-childs-birth-mom-on-mothers-day-20130423.
Strickland, Nicole. “Ways to Honor Your Child’s Birth Mom on Mother’s Day.” Adopting, 8 May 2015, www.adopting.com/adoption-blog/ways-to-honor-your-childs-birth-mom-on-mothers-day.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!
Patience-Erin, you writing is so beautiful. Your way with words inspires me to read more. Your article was so informative and touching. Loved it!