Holidays and Celebrating Adoption

By Moki Murillo

The holidays are supposed to be a time for joy and spending time with family. For some families, however, the holidays can be complicated. This is doubly true for adopted children and especially birth parents.

Not all pregnancies come at a convenient time, and not all birth mothers are ready for the responsibility. If you are having an unplanned pregnancy, it is reasonable to find a more stable home for your child. Child adoption is not child abandonment, and you should not be judged for thinking about your child’s future. That being said, there are ways to keep your child in your heart as you celebrate the holidays. There are even ways to celebrate the holidays with your child after placement.

Adoption Choices of Colorado is a private adoption agency that allows birth mothers to personalize the adoption process. How you choose to go about this will affect your ability to spend the holidays with your child. Your chosen adoption type and the matching process are the biggest factors that determine how you can celebrate.

Personalizing Your Adoption Process

To begin the adoption process, you must contact one of our adoption agencies in Colorado. For Adoption Choices of Colorado, this means calling us via the number found on our website. After making the call, you will be connected to one of our adoption specialists. Your adoption specialist should inform you on how to give your baby up for adoption. The most important step that your specialist will guide you through is the formation of your adoption plan. Your adoption plan allows you to choose your adoption type, which determines your relationship with the adoptive family. The adoption plan also determines your child’s adoptive family during the matching process, which you can also influence.

Closed Adoption and the Holidays

Closed adoptions are an adoption type where there is no contact between the birth parents and the adoptive family. This means that you can’t see or even contact your child during the holidays. While closed adoptions can be difficult for birth parents, there are opportunities to create new traditions. You can bake cookies or knit holiday sweaters, but we recommend you let your imagination go wild. These traditions can celebrate your child’s life as well as the motherhood you wish to find in the future. You don’t need to celebrate these new traditions alone, either. Having the company of friends and family during the holidays can do wonders for one’s comfort and mental health. While knitting a sweater for yourself is fine, hosting an ugly sweater contest can be a lot of fun.

Open Adoptions and the Holidays

The open adoption type, in contrast, allows contact between the birth parents and the adoptive family. You can send messages or even see your child personally during the holidays. However, any contact between the birth parent and the adoptee needs the consent of the adoptive parents. Even if they do consent, you must remember that the adoptive parents have legal custody over your child. As they were raised by their adoptive parents, your child will probably always consider them as their primary parents. This web of relationships can be complicated, which is why clear boundaries need to be set. For the sake of everyone’s comfort, especially your child’s, you need to compromise and honor those boundaries.

That being said, this special relationship can allow you the opportunity to get to know your child. You can attend their family’s holiday parties and dinners, allowing opportunities to form new traditions with your child. Bringing gifts can be one of those traditions, but the adoptive parents may impose limits, such as pricing. You can also use these occasions to get to know the adoptive family as well. It will be to your child’s benefit to know that all of their parents are getting along. Making new friends can also benefit you and make the holidays even sweeter.

Semi-Open Adoptions and the Holidays

Semi-open adoptions allow contact between birth parents and the adoptive family, but they don’t allow personal visits. Even with this limitation, you can still involve your child in your holiday traditions. While you can’t communicate with your child directly, you can send messages or even gifts. You would still need the adoptive parents’ consent, but these traditions can give your child comfort during the holidays. Although you won’t be physically present, your child will know that you are thinking of them. This advice is also applicable to open adoptions that limit physical visits.

Adoption and the Matching Process

Our adoption agencies in Colorado allow you, as the birth mother, to have input in choosing the adoptive family. If you are pursuing an open or semi-open adoption, you can choose the family yourself. You can view each family’s profile on our website, and you can even interview them. We strongly recommend that you consider your options carefully if you choose this route. While each family can legally adopt in Colorado, they all have their own unique differences. After all, they can come from different economic classes, cultures, and creeds, among other factors.

The financial status of a family is an especially important factor to consider. Opportunities, such as a good education, cost money. If you want these opportunities for your child, you need to make sure that the family can afford them. As you are trusting your child’s future to these people, this is not an unreasonable question. Another important factor to consider is the family’s values, which can be political, cultural, or otherwise. After all, the adoption process requires you to renounce your parental rights. You need to make sure that the people raising your child are ones you can personally approve of. 

The adoptive family’s cultural and religious background is especially important when it comes to holidays. This doesn’t mean that we are against or discourage adoptions that cross-cultural, religious, or racial lines. We at Adoption Choices of Colorado support all forms of legal adoption. On the other hand, it is generally easier if the birth and adoptive parents share holidays. Admittedly, it can be an enriching experience to participate in another culture’s holidays, especially if it’s with your child. However, there is nothing wrong with wanting to celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or Eid with your child and their family.

Holidays with Adoption

Adoption is a wonderful process that spreads joy to all the families it touches. While this is true, adoption can also make celebrating holidays difficult or complicated for birth parents. Spending the holidays without your child has the potential to bring up harmful emotions like regret or guilt. If you had these experiences, then we hope you know that you did right for your child. You are not neglectful just because you chose to pursue a closed or semi-open adoption. If you believe that limiting contact with your child is the right thing, then it is the right thing. You know your circumstances better than anyone. If you can celebrate with your child, then we wish both of you all the holiday joy. And regardless of your chosen adoption type, our agencies wish you happy holidays.

If you require adoption services, call Adoption Choices of Colorado today.

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