Has Someone asked You to be Their Surrogate?
Don’t panic. Someone asking you to be their surrogate isn’t the same as committing to the actual surrogacy journey. They’ve just asked you to think about it. So, let’s do that. How well do you know the person who asked you? Are they a close friend or family member? What are your thoughts on carrying a child for them? Have you ever been pregnant or had children prior to this?
Deciding to be someone’s surrogate — especially if it’s a family member or friend — isn’t one to be taken lightly. It’s a far cry from becoming roommates, and could either bring you closer or drive you apart. So, make sure that your relationship with the person or couple who asked you can withstand any kind of circumstance. In itself, though, being asked this is a huge honor and compliment to you as a person and the impact you’ve had in the intended parent’s life.
Work with a Surrogacy Agency
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known the intended parents or how much you trust them. If you’ve agreed to be their surrogate, be sure to work with a surrogacy agency. Because of the emotional entanglements that can accompany agreements with friends and family, a surrogacy agency will lend a guiding hand through all of that.
At Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado, we ensure that both parties are protected, and that you don’t get too overwhelmed during the journey. Particularly since you’re entering a legal contract with the intended parents. It’s important that all parties fully understand the ins and outs of the agreement, and remain on the same page. This lessens the risk of any potential issues once the process has officially started.
Interview the Intended Parents during the Matching Process
Even if you already know the person or couple who has asked you to be their surrogate, it’s important to have an official sit down meeting with them. To discuss all the necessary aspects, including the specific reasons why they chose you. Have an open mind when you go into this conversation. Hear them out, and know that you have full control of your choice. If you feel pressured into saying yes in any way, then an automatic no would be the better option.
Only reveal information that you are comfortable sharing. If the meeting becomes too much like a job interview, stay calm and remind the intended parents of the meeting’s purpose. The first thing that must be determined is if all of you are a good match for a decision of this magnitude. Other details can wait. Questions pertaining to your health can be filtered through your doctor or fertility specialist, and financial information through the chosen surrogacy agency. Don’t get carried away in the heightened emotions and unknowingly get yourself wrapped up without first committing or declining the intended parent’s offer to be their surrogate mother.
Financial Obligations in Gestational Surrogacy
One of the entanglements aforementioned involves exchanging money. Oftentimes, this is a difficult topic to bring up with close friends and family to the point where it’s dismissed altogether. That, or the intended parents are left feeling as though they are forever in debt to you. These feelings, in turn, can cause guilt or discomfort in your relationship.
Working with a surrogacy agency eliminates this awkwardness, and makes sure that the appropriate financial compensation is distributed. Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado understands the sensitivity, but we don’t have the emotional attachment and are easily able to handle the aspect of money.
Has Someone Asked You to be their Surrogate?
When someone you know asks you to be their surrogate, thank them for the honor and take however much time you need to consider their offer. If the intended parents mention a deadline, do your best to respect that. Do some soul-searching and see if you are able to accept. Talk to your partner or spouse as well, and get his or her feedback.
Is this a choice that you can fully commit to? Is your relationship with the intended parents strong enough to weather all that comes with being a surrogate? Are you able to come to a reasonable agreement with them? If not, be upfront and honest. Explain your reasons why, and thank them once again for the honor of being considered. If yes, go for it! You’d be gifting them with a son or daughter and helping them become the parents they’ve always wanted to be!
If you are interested in learning more about your gestational surrogacy options, contact Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.