Has Someone asked You to be Their Surrogate?
Don’t panic. Someone asking you to be their surrogate isn’t the same as committing to the actual surrogacy journey. They’ve just asked you to think about it. So, let’s do that. How well do you know the person who asked you? Are they a close friend or family member? What are your thoughts on carrying a child for them? Have you ever been pregnant or had children prior to this?
Deciding to be someone’s surrogate — especially if it’s a family member or friend — isn’t one to be taken lightly. It’s a far cry from becoming roommates, and could either bring you closer or drive you apart. So, make sure that your relationship with the person or couple who asked you can withstand any kind of circumstance. In itself, though, being asked this is a huge honor and compliment to you as a person and the impact you’ve had in the intended parent’s life.
Work with a Surrogacy Agency
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known the intended parents or how much you trust them. If you’ve agreed to be their surrogate, be sure to work with a surrogacy agency. Because of the emotional entanglements that can accompany agreements with friends and family, a surrogacy agency will lend a guiding hand through all of that.
At Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado, we ensure that both parties are protected, and that you don’t get too overwhelmed during the journey. Particularly since you’re entering a legal contract with the intended parents. It’s important that all parties fully understand the ins and outs of the agreement, and remain on the same page. This lessens the risk of any potential issues once the process has officially started.
Interview the Intended Parents during the Matching Process
Even if you already know the person or couple who has asked you to be their surrogate, it’s important to have an official sit down meeting with them. To discuss all the necessary aspects, including the specific reasons why they chose you. Have an open mind when you go into this conversation. Hear them out, and know that you have full control of your choice. If you feel pressured into saying yes in any way, then an automatic no would be the better option.
Only reveal information that you are comfortable sharing. If the meeting becomes too much like a job interview, stay calm and remind the intended parents of the meeting’s purpose. The first thing that must be determined is if all of you are a good match for a decision of this magnitude. Other details can wait. Questions pertaining to your health can be filtered through your doctor or fertility specialist, and financial information through the chosen surrogacy agency. Don’t get carried away in the heightened emotions and unknowingly get yourself wrapped up without first committing or declining the intended parent’s offer to be their surrogate mother.
Financial Obligations in Gestational Surrogacy
One of the entanglements aforementioned involves exchanging money. Oftentimes, this is a difficult topic to bring up with close friends and family to the point where it’s dismissed altogether. That, or the intended parents are left feeling as though they are forever in debt to you. These feelings, in turn, can cause guilt or discomfort in your relationship.
Working with a surrogacy agency eliminates this awkwardness, and makes sure that the appropriate financial compensation is distributed. Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado understands the sensitivity, but we don’t have the emotional attachment and are easily able to handle the aspect of money.
Has Someone Asked You to be their Surrogate?
When someone you know asks you to be their surrogate, thank them for the honor and take however much time you need to consider their offer. If the intended parents mention a deadline, do your best to respect that. Do some soul-searching and see if you are able to accept. Talk to your partner or spouse as well, and get his or her feedback.
Is this a choice that you can fully commit to? Is your relationship with the intended parents strong enough to weather all that comes with being a surrogate? Are you able to come to a reasonable agreement with them? If not, be upfront and honest. Explain your reasons why, and thank them once again for the honor of being considered. If yes, go for it! You’d be gifting them with a son or daughter and helping them become the parents they’ve always wanted to be!
If you are interested in learning more about your gestational surrogacy options, contact Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!