Finding Support as a Birth Mother during the Holidays in Colorado
Just because it’s the holiday season doesn’t mean it’s necessarily the best time of the year for you. As a birth mother, you may be experiencing undue stress or elevated levels of grief due to the heightened emotions that surround the holiday season.
This is understandable. We want you to know that we are here to support you, regardless of the time of year. Our Colorado adoption office remains open for Christmas Eve/Day, throughout Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and New Year’s Eve.
Post-Placement Grief in Adoption
Typically, the holidays are a time for family, celebration and traditions. For a birth mother who made the difficult choice to place their child with an adoptive family, this could be especially emotional. Maybe you’re imagining what it would’ve been like to spend the holiday with them. The pain of what could’ve been can often seem unbearable, especially as you are bombarded with happy images of family and togetherness. It can make you question the adoption plan that you pursued and followed up with. It can make you resentful of the adoptive family that your child was placed with. There’s a presence missing from your life.
It’s understandable that you feel this grief, especially if your child was placed recently. It’s important to unpack these tough emotions, instead of carrying them with you. It will help you to move forward in a better way. If you are a struggling birth mother during the holidays, it’s important for you to take care of your mental health. Our counseling services continue to be available during the holiday season, where you can meet with a professional to help work through your grief.
Adoption Choices of Colorado is also partnered with another organization called Lifetime Healing. They provide post-placement care to birth mothers who’ve placed their child for adoption. They also provide support groups on the second Monday of each month. If there is anyone that can understand and validate your feelings, it’s other birth mothers. They have intimate knowledge of what the adoption process is like, and can be a comforting resource during an especially difficult time.
Reaching Out to Your Child you Placed for Adoption
If your situation permits, don’t hesitate to reach out to your child with a holiday card or holiday greeting. It can be a nice way for you to let him or her know that you are thinking of them, and show them how much they mean to you. If your relationship with your child and their adoptive family has flourished through the years, perhaps you will be able to spend the holiday with them in person!
If your relationship with your child has not grown to the degree you would like, or is non-existent, there are still some ways that you can honor them this holiday season. You could donate to a charity in their honor. You could also simply light a candle or hang an ornament as tribute to them, whatever aligns with the holidays that you celebrate.
Go Easy on Yourself through Adoption Grief
Please. Take time for yourself and make sure to relax if you are able to do so. If you are in a place where your financial situation is compromised, know that Adoption Choices of Colorado has resources put in place to help you. These include, but are not limited to: support with rent, utilities, food, and other necessary expenses.
No one should be without a roof over their head during the holiday season. You deserve the ease and abundance that comes with having a safe place to live, especially during the holiday season which may come with unanticipated difficulty.
Being a Birth Mother During the Holidays
Being a birth mother is challenging any time of year. Making the difficult choice to place your child for adoption can result in a great deal of grief and pain. The holidays are typically a time that you spend with family, and to have that part of your family missing can be extremely challenging. It’s okay to reflect on what might have been, and the life that you and your child might have had, but don’t let it consume you.
Part of the aftermath of post placement is figuring out how to move on with life. Remember why you selected the adoption process. Remember that you chose to love your child to the best of your ability, and part of that love meant placing them with a caring and supportive family who was willing and able to parent them. Hopefully this realization can bring some peace and clarity this holiday season.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Meet the Author: Katherine Burns is a journalism student at Loyola University Maryland with plans to pursue a career in the news and magazine industries. With over three years of experience writing for the Greyhound Newspaper at Loyola, Katherine specializes in Op-eds. However, she has recently branched out to cover a variety of topics, including education and sports journalism. She also has ample experience with travel blogging.
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Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!