5 Fears Colorado Birth Mothers Have about Open Adoption and Why You Shouldn’t Worry
By Lindsay Parkoo
Open adoption offers some great opportunities for you as a birth mother. You might not feel ready to raise a child, but that doesn’t mean you can’t build a relationship. Open adoptions allow you to do that and build a bond with your child and their parents. That relationship can look however you want as well. However, many birth mothers have valid fears when it comes to having an open adoption. They might be afraid of the emotional pain they’ll feel or complications with the family. Your Colorado adoption agency can help you understand those fears and more.
At Adoption Choices of Colorado, we hear those open adoption fears and understand where they come from. We also have the resources to help you overcome them. If you want a chance to be close to your child, you should be able to do so with confidence. So, when you contact adoption agencies in Colorado, know that we’ll help you gain that confidence.
5 Fears Birth Mothers Have about Open Adoption
1. What if my child doesn’t want to meet me?
Many birth mothers might be afraid that their children won’t want a relationship with them. They worry that their child will resent them for choosing adoption. While that is a reasonable fear, it shouldn’t stop you from pursuing a bond with your child. You might be pleasantly surprised to find that they want to get to know you. If you build a strong bond with the parents, there’s a good chance your child will want to follow suit. There’s no guarantee of knowing how your child will feel; adoption is complicated. However, it’s generally a good idea to put your best foot forward and be patient with your child.
2. What if the adoptive parents don’t want a relationship with me?
This fear is a very understandable one. You might be afraid that the adoptive parents start to pull away. Birth mothers might worry about how they get along with the family when they’re with the child. The good thing is, in your adoption plan, you get to choose the family in an open adoption. Along with that, you get the chance to get to know them before your baby gets placed. That gives you time to build a bond and solidify your relationship once your child goes with them.
3. What if I can’t emotionally move on?
Going through the adoption process can be a lot for birth mothers. It can be emotionally painful to endure. Choosing adoption is an act of love for your child, and you might be worried about how you’ll recover. In these cases, adoption agencies in Colorado can provide resources like therapy. Adoption-focused therapy can help you understand these emotions while you’re connecting with your child. With that, connecting with your child might even ease the grief you may feel.
4. Will I be expected to raise my child if I keep contact?
Some birth mothers worry that they’ll be expected to take care of their children if they connect with them. That might be a reason a birth mother wouldn’t be as open. Remember though, no matter how close you are with your child, you still don’t have parental rights. When you choose adoption during your unplanned pregnancy, you absolve yourself of parenting responsibilities. So, if you have this fear, you can avoid it by setting strict boundaries with the adoptive family. Let them know what you can give from the beginning. No matter what, communication is key to knowing where you both stand.
5. What if my baby isn’t loved by their adopted family?
This might be one of the bigger fears of birth mothers. You worry that the adoptive parents won’t love your child as much as you do. Maybe you’re worried they will feel emotionally neglected without you. There are ways to remedy this fear. Adoption agencies in Colorado already have programs like home studies to make sure this isn’t the case. One part of the adoption process is a home study, where prospective parents are screened. They get checked by specialists to ensure they and their home are suitable for raising a child. Along with that safety measure, you can connect with the family to make sure they’re right for your baby.
Know More about Open Adoption with Adoption Choices of Colorado
Each type of adoption works for certain individuals. Along with learning how to give your baby up for adoption, learn which type of adoption works for you. Open adoption might open you up to emotional healing and gaining a family. So, don’t let your fears keep you from missing out on that. Contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by searching “adoption Colorado Springs” and experience our expertise.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!