Celebrating Father’s Day and Birth Father’s Day in an Adoption
An unexpected pregnancy affects all parties of the adoption, including the birth father, if he is known or present during the adoption process. Father’s Day is a day where people are celebrating fathers all over the country for everything they’ve done for their children and all that they’ve accomplished. Yet when some of these fathers have supported an adoption for their child, they may not have that option to get a “Happy Fathers’ Day” card from their child. There are so many ways to celebrate Father’s Day and birth Father’s Day when you are a birth mother. If you still have contact with the birth father, help them through this hard day. They may feel alone because birth fathers are not normally as reached out towards as much as birth mothers are. Here at Adoption Choices of Colorado, we understand that birth fathers go through hardships during an adoption. We are here for the birth fathers as well. We want everyone in the adoption to be comfortable and okay during this huge process. There is adoption counseling at our adoption agency in Colorado for birth fathers if they choose to use it.
- Make Plans with Your Child and Their Birth Father
Depending on what type of adoption you chose, you may be able to schedule something with your child and the birth father. This could be a phone call, a video call, or even a visit if you make a plan with the adoptive parents. To celebrate Father’s Day, the birth father may love to be in touch with your child, even if it is from afar. Having those few minutes or hours spent with your child will make the birth Father’s Day because even though you two chose adoption, you still love your child and want to get updates on their growing
Also, contacting the adoptive parents and your child prior to Father’s Day and seeing if your child will send the birth father a “Happy Father’s Day” card may make the birth father feel cared for. This may be the only option for this day with contact, but it could be the best option.
If you chose closed adoption, you wouldn’t be able to have contact with the other side of the adoption. This can cause a hinder in wanted plans, but remember that you chose this type of adoption for your child and yourself. So although you may not be able to give the birth father a traditional Father’s Day, your child knows that you love him or her.
- Make the Birth Father Feel Special
Just like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day affects the birth father in the same way. If you still have contact with the birth father or a relationship with him, spend the day with him if he can’t spend it with your child. Discuss the adoption you chose, why you chose adoption, and express your feelings. Getting your feelings out with the birth father will help both of you, especially him, on this day where he should be celebrated for being a father. He is a father, but not the parent to your child, and this can really mess with his head.
You can take the birth father out on a fishing trip, have a BBQ with him, or even just watch his favorite movies to help him get through this day. There is so much you can do to help him through this rough day. No matter how big or small, you will make him feel special and make him feel cared for.
- Surround the Birth Father with Loved Ones
The birth father could be feeling many different emotions, but the main one could be grief. Surrounding himself with loved ones and people who can relate to his situation is a great idea—reminding him that he is not alone in this situation and his feelings are important.
Helping him create a support group with birth fathers like him would help him see that he’s not alone on this day. There are other birth fathers going through a hard day on Father’s Day. They are fathers, too, and understand how it feels to see their child grow up from afar or not at all.
As a birth mother, you know exactly what he’s going through. You know how it feels to feel grief and to feel like you’re alone in this feeling and in this situation. Your Colorado adoption may have been private to many, but having support from people who know is important on this hard day. They can give you support from an outside point of view, and they won’t judge you for what you are feeling.
How Will You Spend Father’s Day and Birth Father’s Day?
Whether you are spending it with the birth father or help with making plans for him, make sure to understand how hard the adoption process is for him, too. Although he didn’t carry or give birth to your child, he still has that emotional connection to it and has that grief of giving a child away. Father’s Day may be the hardest day for him.
Here at Adoption Choices of Colorado, we want to be that support for you and the birth father. We have 24/7 support, even on Father’s Day. We know that you may need this support, and it’s okay to ask for help. If you need someone to talk to, you have people who can be by your side and help you. Do not be afraid to ask for help or ask for help for the birth father.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Meet the Author: Molly Allington is an aspiring author born and raised in Syracuse, New York. When she’s not watching her latest Netflix obsession, you can find her nose deep in a book or in her writing. She has been writing books since she was twelve and is in the process of trying to get her finished books published. Molly has a BA in Creative Writing from Southern New Hampshire University. With her writing, she is hoping to share supportive information and help as many people as possible. Once she starts her own family, she is wanting to adopt.