Can I change my mind if I give my baby up for adoption in CO?
One of the number one questions we receive at our adoption center in Colorado from pregnant women and birth mothers is “Can I change my mind if I give my baby up for adoption?” Through the adoption process a woman can always change her mind. However, once she signs the consent to adoption, which relinquishes parental rights, she can no longer change her mind. Adoption Choices of Colorado prides ourselves on providing birth mothers across the state with the resources and information she needs to have a successful adoption. This means being confident about her decision and fully informed about her rights. Facing an unplanned pregnancy and considering options can be confusing and overwhelming. We are here to help!
If you need adoption help now, please call or text us at 303-670-4673 (HOPE) or visit us at Adoption Choices of Colorado.
Why would a Birth Mother Change Her Mind about Adoption?
There are many reasons why a birth mother might reconsider going forward with putting her baby up for adoption. Some women find themselves growing too attached to their unborn baby in the womb or in the period of time between the birth of their child and the finalization of the adoption process. For others, the circumstances that led them to adoption in the first place might be changing for the better. Maybe she has found herself in a better financial situation or a safer environment. Perhaps the birth father or family support system is now onboard with helping raise the baby. No matter the reason, a woman who considers and pursues adoption is not locked in until it is finalized.
Disrupted Adoption in Colorado
When a woman terminates an adoption after being matched with an adoptive family, it is often referred to as a ‘disrupted adoption’. Disrupted adoptions can be painful for the adoptive family and the birth mother. Adoptive parents and birth mothers place a great deal of trust in each other when deciding on adoption. The adoptive family will feel a great sense of loss while the birth mother will likely feel a great sense of guilt. We have to consider what is best for that child; wounds heal.
Working with a Licensed Adoption Agency in Colorado
When disruptions do occur, it is most often the result of a lack of counseling and conversation with pregnant women. Working with a licensed adoption agency in Colorado can help prevent adoption disruptions. Our counselors work with birth mothers and help them navigate the realities of parenting. We aren’t here to convince her what to do or sway her decision one way or another. We do however provide information and resources to make the best decision for herself and her situation.
During pregnancy, there are a range of emotions a woman may be experiencing, all of which make it difficult to make the right decision. Becoming a parent, no matter how much someone wants to, may or may not be the right choice. The best thing to do is to be prepared with as much information as possible, seek support for the decision, and understand that this is a tough decision to make. Even on the right path, there will be moments of doubt.
Feeling Regret about Colorado Adoption
Is guilt consuming you? Did you once feel really confident about your decision to place your child for adoption and now you are second guessing everything? You always knew it would be difficult transitioning from expectant mother to birth mother. However, with your child no longer in your arms, you’re beginning to realize that nothing could have prepared you for this sense of loss. Why is this doubt beginning to creep in when I was so sure before? Am I allowed to change my mind? Why do I feel so empty inside? More and more, you convince yourself that you made the wrong decision.
Adoption Choices of Colorado wants you to know that feelings of regret, no matter the circumstances, are completely normal. Placing your child for adoption was a life-altering decision, and the weight of that choice led you to this unsafe headspace, where you’re drowning in negative emotions. While these feelings are valid, they’re also important to work through. A birth mother’s regret is nothing to take lightly. Let us help!
1 – Remind Yourself of the Why
Everything changed when you left the hospital without your child. Now, you find it hard to conjure up an appetite. Friends and family members keep calling, but you lay in bed ignoring them. Instead, you think of your child and ask yourself the same unfair question: Why didn’t I keep my baby? You’ve sobbed the question over and over, but have you stopped to answer it?
Reminding yourself why you decided to place your child for adoption can help ease your pain. After all, it wasn’t a selfish decision. You wanted the best for your child, and you knew you couldn’t offer him or her what you envisioned. Rehearse both the pros and the cons you considered upon making your decision. Try to recall the reasons you initially thought it was right.
For example, if you set standards for how you wanted your child to be raised, you knew that, in order for those to be met, your child would have to be raised by someone other than you. When dealing with such high emotions, logic can stand as a foundation for healing. Don’t let the why get lost in your grief.
2 – Talk It Out
If you talk with someone openly, whether it be one-on-one or in a group setting, you’ll be well on your way to coping with these feelings of regret and loss. Individuals who are able to listen without giving advice or unhelpful comfort can provide you with a safe space. One where you’ll feel comfortable voicing your deepest thoughts without fear of judgement. Whether you choose to confide in a professional, family member, friend, or other birth mother, having someone you can be candid with will prevent bottled up emotions and promote clearer reasoning.
Express all the positive and negative feelings you have, and make sure your confidante doesn’t emit false hope, for this can emote false rationalizations, anger, and self-punishment within yourself. Having the freedom to be honest about your feelings on adoption will help you understand your own thought processes and figure out what the core causes are for regretting your decision. Once you pinpoint the cause, you can learn to manage it, healing your mind and heart.
3 – Be Gentle Yet Honest with Yourself
Many birth moms wonder if placing their children for adoption was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. In reality, choosing to place was the best way to make those temporary problems not permanent. A birth mother’s regret is the result of a profound act of love. Remind yourself of this as often as you can. Self-sacrifice doesn’t feel good; otherwise, it wouldn’t be true.
Deciding to let your child live everyday life with another family was a sacrifice. Your hormones were all geared up to be a mother, and you quite literally denied your body and mind something that it was physically and mentally prepared to do and be. If you felt happy or indifferent at the loss of your child, that would show you weren’t putting his or her best interests first, like any loving mother would.
If feelings of regret seem all-consuming, remind yourself of the circumstances you were in, not the circumstances you are in now. Where you’re at now may or may not be the same as if you had parented – but you can’t know that. As long as you did the right thing for your baby in the circumstances you were in, you didn’t make the wrong decision.
Adoption with Adoption Choices of Colorado
In Colorado, once an adoption is legally finalized, it becomes irrevocable. When you signed the adoption papers, you terminated your parental rights. The adoptive parents you chose are now your child’s legal parents. As a birth mother, your rights and responsibilities as a mother are no more. But, depending on the openness of your adoption, you can communicate these emotions freely with the adoptive parents. You’d be surprised how many adoptive parents are accepting of the birth mothers’ desire for involvement.
Adoption Choices of Colorado knows that being a birth mother is no easy task. It takes time to figure out how you’re going to embrace this new role and how you’re going to deal with the hard times. Try your best to take care of yourself and think of the well-being of your child. As long as he or she is safe, healthy, and happy, it’s worth it.
We offer our counseling services and support 24/7, and each birth mother is assigned a licensed adoption specialist who is on her case from beginning to end. Adoption Choices of Colorado social workers truly understand the concerns, the needs, and the hopes of each woman we work with. This support leads to better treatment of birth mothers, more successful adoptions, and fewer adoption disruptions. We are ready to provide the unplanned pregnancy help that you deserve!
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!