A newborn baby has a way of capturing your full attention. Whether they are laying in their bassinet or nestled in your arms, everything else suddenly becomes secondary. Work and day-to-day activities fade away, as you lovingly watch your baby’s every movement. The expressions on their face as they take in their surroundings. The way they kick excitedly and grin as they look at you. Your heart swells with warmth and fullness. With a smile and grateful sigh, all the stress and anxiety of the adoption process melts away. You wonder if there’s a way for you to bless your child’s birth mother, and say thank you for all she’s done.
You’re in luck! There is. One of the questions we are often asked at Adoption Choices of Colorado, in fact, is how adoptive parents can bless a birth mother after the adoption process. We are happy to provide the following ideas to help point you in the right direction. This list is, of course, non-exhaustive. But we hope that it will inspire you all the same. Don’t forget to be creative and put your own personal flare on whatever you do!
1. Write a Thank You Note
As cheesy or as elementary as it might seem, writing Thank You notes have never fallen out of style. To the contrary. Thank You notes are powerful gestures, and still highly appreciated by those who receive them. If you want to know how to bless your child’s birth mother after your adoption has been finalized, this would be a great way to do that. Letters are incredibly thoughtful and intimate.
Long or short. The length doesn’t matter, and is up to your discretion. If you can, go the extra mile and hand write it. Your words of gratitude and heartfelt thanks will be a beacon of hope and comfort to her as she grieves. It will help her reaffirm that she made the right decision, and to find peace with her choice.
2. Keep Your Promises
Did you promise your child’s birth mother anything during the adoption process? Big or small, make sure you keep those. After the adoption process has ended, it’s up to you to be responsible and accountable to prove your honesty. Not only is this the right thing to do, but it is also a way to bless your child’s birth mother after the fact. It will show her that you are the family you said you were, and it will help all of you establish a strong and trustworthy relationship.
Many birth mothers report feeling misled or lied to when adoptive parents don’t follow through on promises. Even if it’s because so much was going on that you forgot, not keeping a promise is unacceptable. Write whatever you committed to on a sticky note if you have to. Follow through on anything and everything you say to your child’s birth mother.
3. Send Photos and Updates
Through the beauty of technology, Adoption Choices of Colorado has a fantastic way for you to bless your child’s mother and keep her updated as your son or daughter grows. It’s called Child Connect. Think of it like the Facebook of adoption. It allows you and her to communicate through individually created profiles that’s safe and confidential. Especially during the first three to six months of your baby’s life, if you want to send pictures of your son or daughter meeting milestones, you can share pictures through Child Connect’s secure portal. To sign up, all you have to do is fill out the adoptive parent signup form.
As an agency, we have access to help fix tech issues and further enhance your experience. But, otherwise, our involvement is very non-invasive. Once the adoption process has concluded, we become more of a backdrop in case you need us.
4. Give Her a Gift
Gifts are another way to express heartfelt gratitude, and great ways to bless others. Whether that’s by presenting flowers or giving a gift card, be sure whatever you give is thoughtful and will be beneficial to your child’s birth mother. Many times, we recommend that adoptive parents bring a gift for birth mothers during the hospital portion of the adoption process. However, afterwards is always appreciated too.
Online resources like Etsy and Pinterest offer many inspirational options, if you’d like to bless your child’s birth mother this way. Don’t hesitate to reach out to your adoption caseworker for more specific ideas as well.
5. Teach Your Child about Her
An adoptee will always wonder where they came from. Even if they feel loved and accepted with you. It’s just the nature of things. An instinct. So, right from the beginning, it’s crucial that you know how you will react to this. That you and your partner or spouse have decided how you will talk about adoption with your son or daughter. This way, when your child asks, you will feel prepared. It will also enhance your bonding experience and establish a relationship based on trust, honesty and open communication.
Telling your child about his or her birth mother will speak volumes to the birth mother as well. It will tell her that she is valued, and that you are comfortable with your child knowing the truth about her and their adoption story.
6. Involve Her with Holidays
Especially if you have an open adoption agreement, it’s important to include your child’s birth mother per your pre-agreed adoption plan. This includes birthday parties and national holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving. On holidays, or during celebrations, where she isn’t directly involved, it’s just as essential to remember and honor her in some way. For instance, on Mother’s Day and National Birth Mother’s Day.
Because these particular days of the year can be difficult for birth mothers, let her know she’s invited and welcome to celebrate with your family. It’s a thoughtful, loving way you can bless her and show her that she’s important.
Bless Your Child’s Birth Mother
Your child’s birth mother gave you the greatest gift. Through her sacrifice and loss, she relinquished her child into the safety and love of your family. There’s no one way that can fully repay her for that. However, it’s still important to find ways to bless her and say thank you. Every little gesture counts and warms her heart.
Again, the above resource is non-exhaustive. There are many more ways to bless your child’s birth mother. Feel free to drop us a comment about ones that you think we should have added her, or methods you’ve used that you found to be effective.
Adoption Choices of Colorado
For more information on adoption please contact Adoption Choices of Colorado. We can be reached via our website or phone 303-670-4401.
Support Adoption Choices
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.
However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Rachel Robertson is a published journalist, book editor, certified Publishing Specialist, and aspiring novelist. She graduated from Central Washington University (CWU) in March 2011, having found her writing voice within the Creative Nonfiction genre and grew to work as a freelance book editor for small presses all across the United States.
In June 2018, she embarked on an internship with Virginia Frank and came on board with Adoption Choices Inc., Not for Profit 501(c)(3), in December 2018. Between her mutual passion with adoption and surrogacy, and her own personal history with adoption, Rachel is excited to research and share topics each week that will spread awareness and better serve the faithful patrons of Adoption Choices Inc.
When Rachel isn’t haunting her local Starbucks or Barnes and Noble, she’s avidly pouring over her Writer’s Digest subscription or cozying up with a cup of tea and book. She currently resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her beloved wife and Border Collie.
“10 Simple Ways to Show Birth Parents You Care.” American Adoptions Blog, 1 Aug. 2019, www.americanadoptions.com/blog/10-simple-ways-to-show-birth-parents-you-care/.
Vintayen, Jean. “5 Thoughtful Ways to Support Your Child’s Birth Mother.” Adoption Network, Adoption Network Law Center – Safer Than Adoption Agencies, 13 June 2018, adoptionnetwork.com/blog/5-thoughtful-ways-to-support-your-childs-birth-mother.