At Adoption Choices of Colorado, we are here to support you the best we can. To help you when you need it most, but also provide resources so you can make the best choices for you and your baby. This week, we are discussing the best books to read for birth mothers considering adoption.
There are many resources and forms of support like counseling, online support groups and forums; but books can provide an insight on personal experiences and questions you may have. Books also offer support and resources when you are unable to access other forms of guidance. We have put together a collection of books that can be used regularly for what best suits your needs.
Deciding What Choice is Right for You
There is no right or wrong when it comes to considering adoption. It is your choice. One that only you can make. All four of these books discuss the common myths of adoption and motherhood, as well as answer any questions you may have and provide support and guidance by sharing interviews with birth mothers.
- Pregnant? Adoption Is an Option: Making an Adoption Plan for a Child by Jeanne Warren Lindsay and Jami Moffett – The author takes a realistic approach to adoption. She advocates learning as much as possible about adoption, as it affects everyone involved. She lays the groundwork to help decide and make the best possible for you and your baby.
- The Third Choice: A Woman’s Guide to Placing a Child for Adoption by Leslie Foge and Gail Mosconi – Foge and Mosconi acknowledge the absence of written materials for women considering adoption. That’s why they created a guidebook that provides answers, support and guidance.
- Dear Birthmother: Thank You for Our Baby by Kathleen Silber and Phylis Speedlin – This book explores the four most common myths about adoption and introduces the concept of open adoption. For birth mothers considering adoption, Dear Birthmother is a great resource! Both authors include case studies to further explain their research and findings, providing you with a comprehensive look at adoption as a whole.
- The Birth Of A Mother: How The Motherhood Experience Changes You Forever by Daniel N. Stern, Nadia Bruschweiler-Stern and Alison Freeland – Expectant mothers traverse an experience unlike any other. Not only do their bodies change, but their values and preferences may as well. Having a child puts life into a brand-new perspective, which can make for a very emotional journey. If you are a mother-to-be and need guidance through the ups and downs of your pregnancy, The Birth of a Mother paints an incredible and evocative image of motherhood.
From the Heart of a Birth Mother
All six of these books give you an inside look as to what other birth mothers have experienced with adoption. These books allow you to connect in the similar ways online groups and forums do while also providing insight and other resources during this time.
- Birthmark by Lorraine Dusky – A birth mother tells her story of the need to find the daughter she placed for adoption twelve years ago.
- Good Girls Don’t by Patti Hawn – A first-hand account of what it was like to be trapped in an unwanted pregnancy. This book occurs in the sixties, on the eve of a sexual revolution. Where home economics took precedence over sex education. Hawn describes what life was like for women when abortion became legal and how, through this unique time in history, an entire generation of women were able to have reunions with their birth parents and children.
- Confessions of a Lost Mother by Elisa M. Barton – Birth mothers and adoptive mothers alike may wonder, What is it like to place a child for adoption? If you are a birth mother considering adoption for your baby, check out this book. Through a collection of letters, Barton answers this probing question and many others. Her words provoke the full range of emotions as she helps you navigate through your options, the meaning of the adoption triad and much more.
- Soul Connection: Memoir of A Birthmother’s Healing Journey by Ann H. Hughes – This book offers insight to a birth mother’s story about her spiritual journey of adoption, adoption reunion and spiritual growth.
- Following the Tambourine Man: A Birthmother’s Memoir (Writing American Women) by Janet Ellerby – A true account of the author’s childhood, her experiences with pregnancy and her journey with adoption, Ellerby describes her life story during a time in history where middle-class America was more conservative than society today. Her book gives readers a glimpse of what birth mothers endured through the fifties, sixties and seventies. It’s as heartbreaking as it is enlightening with how adoption culture shifted into what we know now.
- Because I Loved You: A Birthmother’s View of Open Adoption by Patricia Dischler – A birth mother shares her moving narrative about an open adoption arrangement and how the story has now come full circle.
Every choice you make in life comes with ups and downs. Different types of emotions when you are considering adoption is normal and nothing to feel guilty about. These three books give guidance and support as to how to navigate through these emotions and offer insight to other personal experiences with grief.
- Saying Goodbye to a Baby: Birthparents Guide to Loss and Grief in Adoption (Saying Goodbye to a Baby Vol. 1) by Patricia Roles – Grief comes in various stages. This book guides birth parents through each one. They include, but are not limited to: making the decision to choose adoption and living with that decision and dealing with any anger or guilt that occurs throughout your adoption journey. If you are a birth mother struggling this month, this would be a good one to read.
- Adoption & Loss: The Hidden Grief by Evelyn Burns Robinson – What happens once the adoption becomes finalized? How do you process your grief? Are there options available? Robinson’s book provides answers to these questions, along with many others. She speaks to a birth mother’s deep-seeded questions, and explores the reasons why many adoptees decide to search for their birth families.
It is normal to question yourself, or to even have questions about the choice you are making when considering adoption. The intricacies of adoption are indeed complex. The following books provide insight into what it looks like after you have chosen to place your baby for adoption.
- My Fairy Birthmother by Avery Hunter, Mary Huron Hunter and Danielle Duer – This book offers an amazing story of how an adoptive mother and child heal through the loss associated with adoption together.
- Lifegivers: Framing the Birthparent Experience in Open Adoption by James L. Gritter – Too often, birth parents are marginalized. Boxed into stereotypes. However, there’s so much more to you than that. Gritter gives readers a glimpse into a birth parent’s emotions of grief and regret. How open adoption is the most beneficial choice as it keeps birth parents, adoptive parents and adoptees all involved in each other’s lives. He emphasizes the importance of keeping everyone’s best interest at heart, and how that can have a positive impact on everyone involved.
- The Best For You by Kelsey Stewart – Wanting to discuss adoption with your son or daughter, but not sure how? Stewart’s book makes a great companion in times like these. Based on her own experience, Stewart explains why she chose adoption for her children and how she hopes to help parents better understand the heart of a birth mother.
- Reunion: A Year in Letters Between a Birthmother and the Daughter She Couldn’t Keep by Katie Hern – This is a collection of letters between a child and her birth mother, which follows both women’s progress after decades of being separated and finally meeting face-to-face in an emotional and exhilarating reunion.
Birth Mothers Considering Adoption
Birth mothers considering adoption, let alone actually deciding to place their babies for adoption, are committing extremely selfless acts. Again, there is never a right or wrong way to make this choice. It is a choice that comes with great ups and downs but also encompasses the largest reminder of them all – knowing you did what’s best for your baby.
Deciding to do what is best for your baby is a different experience for everyone and a unique and personal choice. However, here at Adoption Choices of Colorado, we are here to provide support and resources so that you can make the best possible choice.
Adoption Choices of Colorado
Adoption Choices, Inc. is a private, non-profit adoption agency licensed by the state and leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive parents in Colorado since 2002. Our staff has a genuine commitment to providing an empathetic, empowering, and progressive experience to all involved in the adoption process. For more information on adoption please contact Adoption Choices of Colorado. We can be reached via our website or phone 303-670-4401.
Support Adoption Choices
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.
However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Taylor Tsakopulos, the bestselling student. She has interned locally in Denver and internationally in Dublin, Ireland, taken classes/workshops and worked odd jobs and yet always comes back to being a student and the desire to learn or create.
When she isn’t creating content she’s off dancing and hiking. Always chasing after new things and experiences. After living and working in Europe, she is hungry for more.