If you are thinking of bringing home an adopted infant, attachment issues may be a concern of yours. For those worried, there is good news: although adopted infants have bonded with their mothers in the womb, they are open to attachment with their caregivers. Attachment is the two-way process in which the baby and mother create an emotional connection. Through caring for the baby’s needs and spending quality time together, new parents can establish the trust needed for a healthy attachment between parent and child.
Healthy attachment between an infant and their caregiver(s) is a predictor of positive mental health outcomes later in life. So, it is natural for adoptive parents to worry about attachment issues in adopted infants. Researching the indicators and solutions for attachment issues is an excellent first step in ensuring secure attachment between child and parent.
Attachment Issues
Experts in human development have identified four different attachment styles.
- Secure attachment is the first that adoptive parents should strive to establish, as it is characterized by infants feeling close to their caregiver. This is accomplished through parents demonstrating that the infant can trust them. For instance, when their infant cries, adoptive parent address the infant’s needs in a timely manner. They also hold, talk to, and play with their infant in order to spend quality time together. Most importantly, secure attachment parents protect their infant from harm.
- Insecure-ambivalent is an attachment style characterized by an infant’s over-attachment to their caregiver. In other words, adopted infants who are not comfortable exploring on their own from time to time. Parents of these infants are described as emotionally inconsistent. Even though they meet the needs of their infants, they are not always warm. Insecure-ambivalent parents often express a wide array of emotional states to their infant, some of which may be “negative” such as distress upon crying or occasional detachment. It is difficult for new parents to always be “on.” It is certainly possible for a parent to reflect and work on their emotional constancy in order to establish a more secure attachment style going forward.
- Insecure-avoidant is an attachment style in which the infant is resistant to connection with their caregiver, and sometimes strangers as well. In this situation, adoptive parents may not often connect with their infant through physical touch and language. Thus, attention is lacking. Increasing quality time with an infant through eye contact, play, and singing can help to remediate this disconnect.
- Insecure-disorganized is considered the most insecure attachment style. These infants display distress when separated from their caregiver, but then do not necessarily show signs of comfort when the caregiver attempts to comfort them. The infant’s reaction to their caregiver is often characterized as confusion. Strongly unpredictable caregiver behavior can lead to this attachment style.
Attachment styles are often passed down from generation to generation. A parent who had an insecure attachment with their own parent is susceptible to passing this down. For this reason, new parents should reflect and identify the attachment style that resonates most true for them. This information can help a new parent to find room for improvement and steps necessary in order to form a secure attachment with their child.
Reactive Attachment Disorder
Most commonly, this disorder is found in those who have experience trauma. An adoption later in life, especially after an abusive situation, can increase the likelihood of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or other difficulties in forming secure attachments. In infants, RAD can manifest as an infant’s disinterest in their caregiver. These infants may not make eye contact or express a greater sense of calmness with their adoptive parent than they do with strangers. However, it is easier to identify symptoms of RAD as a child grows up, as these, like personality traits and behavior patterns, will become more noticeable.
What can parents do to form secure attachments with their infant?
Adoptive parents can begin to form a secure attachment with their child right away. Time spent with the infant can increase attachment. The more positive interactions a parent and child have, the greater sense of security the infant will feel while in the presence of the parent. Many activities that create positive bonds between parent and infant are centered around close physical contact. Bed-sharing, “kangaroo care” (skin-to-skin contact), and holding all can help the parent and infant to attach.
Infants adopted at birth may also struggle to attach to their adoptive parents, and parents may not find it easy to jump into nurturing right away. It is okay if building a relationship takes time. Parents can ease into the care of their new infant by practicing responding to their baby’s cues at first. This looks like parents observing and attuning themselves to their infant by answering cries with solutions to the baby’s potential needs. This should be done instead of anticipating needs in advance of the infant’s cues. When an infant’s cries are met with the physical proximity, touch, and attention of their caregiver, intimacy between the two begins to build.
Outlook
Adoption is a monumental step, and it is normal for adopted parents to feel worrisome about their ability to form an attachment with their child. The first few weeks may be full of fear and anxiety. That is okay. New parents should trust that their efforts to educate themselves and carry out what they have learned will make a difference. Confidence can be built through small steps. It does not need to be present right away. By taking time to get to know each other, both parent and infant can absolutely beginning to form the attachment desired.
Adoption Choices of Colorado
For more information on adoption please contact Adoption Choices of Colorado. We can be reached via our website or phone 303-670-4401.
Support Adoption Choices
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.
However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Marisa Cabrera is a recent graduate of the University of Maryland, College Park. Her lifelong love of writing led her to pursue a Bachelors in English Language and Literature in college. Along the way, she wrote and edited for The Writer’s Bloc and The Paper Shell Review. Though she grew up with the intention to follow in her mother’s footsteps and become a teacher, her final semester in college made her rethink this path. While working as an Undergraduate Teaching Assistant, Marisa found that reading student essays and helping them to improve their writing was her favorite part of the job. Thus, she decided to take a gap year to explore careers in writing.
Marisa was born and raised in Long Island, New York, but currently resides in Denver, Colorado. She is making the most of her gap year by hiking, running, and immersing herself in Denver’s food and music scenes in her free time.
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Sources:
“Adoption and Attachment Issues.” Focus on the Family, 18 Sept. 2019, www.focusonthefamily.com/family-qa/adoption-and-attachment-issues/.
“Developing Emotional Attachments in Adopted Children by Lysa Parker.” Developing Emotional Attachments in Adopted Children by Lysa Parker | Attachment Parenting International, www.attachmentparenting.org/support/articles/adoption.
Steinberg, Gail, and Beth Hall. “Bonding and Attachment: How Does Adoption Affect a Newborn?” Pact’s Point of View: the Newsletter for Adoptive Families with Children of Color, 1998, www.pactadopt.org/app/servlet/documentapp.DisplayDocument?DocID=235.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!