Adoptive mothers are the second most important part to an adoption. They are the ones who raise and nurture the baby post finalization. Even though adoptive mothers do not share a biological connection, they have been blessed with the gift to connect emotionally and love the baby as their own. While the individual paths may vary, the strength of their love does not.
Rebecca Jamrozek is an adoptive mother of two. Her son and daughter are both adopted, and each have their own adoption story. I have the privilege of sharing some of her journey to her children below. Adoption wasn’t Rebecca’s first path in the beginning, but as soon as she found it, she knew it would change her life for the better and help fulfill her dream of having a family.
The following interview, including her own name, is used with Rebecca’s permission.
RR: What was your path to adoption like? What was your motivation to adopt?
RJ: We struggled with infertility, but knew that we wanted children more than anything so we looked into adoption. After meeting with Brenda Retrum at Adoption Choices, we wanted to get started on the process right away.
RR: Had you ever been interested in adoption in the past?
RJ: To be honest, we hadn’t thought about it. But once we learned about it, we realized what an amazing path it would be.
RR: What type of adoption did you choose? Describe why you chose this.
RJ: We chose domestic infant adoption for both of our adoptions, because we really wanted to experience raising our children from birth. It felt like the path that best fit our family.
RR: Was your adoption plan open or closed? How did you choose?
RJ: Both of our children’s birth mothers chose semi-open adoption plans. We wanted to make sure their wishes were met, so we didn’t make a request regarding open or closed adoption. We send pictures and letters once a year to the adoption agency. We always try to send a lot of pictures, because we want their birth mothers to see the amazing people [the children] truly are, as well as just how much they are [both] loved and supported.
RR: When did you first meet with the birth mother? Describe experience.
RJ: With our son’s adoption, his birth parents did not want to meet us until our son was born. When she was ready, the birth mother handed our son to us. It was very emotional and we had some wonderful talks with the birth parents over the next few days in the hospital.
With our daughter’s adoption, her birth mother chose not to meet us at all. We did wish that we could have met her, but we always wanted to respect her wishes. She had checked out of the hospital before we arrived to bring our daughter home.
RR: What is your relationship with the birth mother like now?
RJ: We hope that someday we will have relationships with [both of the children’s] birth mothers; but; right now; we send the pictures and letters that we promised.
RR: Were your friends and family supportive with your choice to adopt?
RJ: Yes! All our friends and family were amazing and so supportive. They love our children so much and were there for us every step of the way.
RR: Does your son or daughter know that he / she is adopted? Why or why not?
RJ: Yes, they both know that they are adopted, and we have a great group of families with adopted children that we get together with from time to time. Our kids know that families come together in all kinds of different ways. We believe it’s so important for them to know that adoption is not weird or strange, it is simply the way that our family was made. The more knowledge they have, the better they can understand who they are.
RR: What was the most challenging aspect of the adoption journey for you?
RJ: I would say the most challenging part was worrying that the birth mothers might change their minds. Our case worker was amazing and helped us, as well as the birth mothers, every step of the way, which definitely relieved some of the anxiety we experienced.
RR: What was the most unexpected aspect of the adoption journey for you?
RJ: With our daughter’s adoption, we received a call that there was a baby girl who was 2 days old, and [her] birth mother had chosen an adoption plan. We had [just] started the process to update our home study just a couple months before and were not expecting a call so quickly. We had also expected to be matched again first before the baby was born, so the call was a surprise.
The birth mother ended up choosing us, and we brought our daughter home the next day!
RR: What was one of the highlights of the adoption journey for you?
RJ: I would have to say our case worker at Adoption Choices was a major highlight of the journey. I think the experience could have been quite different without her kindness and support throughout the process.
RR: Knowing what you do now, is there anything you would’ve done differently? Why or why not?
RJ: I have thought a lot about this question, and I honestly can’t think of anything I would have done differently. I feel lucky that when I was searching for adoption agencies online, the first one that came up was Adoption Choices. It seemed to be a perfect fit for us, and it turned out to be exactly what we were looking for.
RR: How has adoption impacted your life?
RJ: Adoption has completely changed my life in the most awesome ways. I can’t imagine my life without these amazing kids, and am so thankful their birth mothers made the brave and selfless decision to choose an adoption path. I have met wonderful people along the way, and have made lifelong friendships.
RR: Would you do it again? Why or why not?
RJ: I would definitely do it again! Although it was an emotional roller coaster and pretty stressful at times, it was the most wonderful thing that could have happened to us.
RR: What could Adoption Choices do better as an agency?
RJ: We really had an amazing experience from beginning to end. I would recommend Adoption Choices to anyone looking to adopt domestically.
RR: What went well with your hospital experience? Matching process? Post placement?
RJ: The hospital staff was really great and was understanding of the situation. We had our own room there and were able to spend time with our son during those amazing first moments of his life.
We really liked the matching process because we felt like we had many chances to be chosen by a birth mother.
The post placement was wonderful as well. We had several meetings with our caseworker to discuss how everyone was doing, and it was all very smooth and enjoyable.
RR: What advice would you give other adoptive mothers looking to adopt?
RJ: My advice would be to be patient and to trust that things will come together as they should. Also to look for support from others going through the same experience.
About the Author
Rachel Robertson is a published journalist, book editor, certified Publishing Specialist, and aspiring novelist. She graduated from Central Washington University (CWU) in March 2011, having found her writing voice within the Creative Nonfiction genre and grew to work as a freelance book editor for small presses all across the United States.
In June 2018, she embarked on an internship with Virginia Frank and came on board with Adoption Choices Inc., Not for Profit 501(c)(3), in December 2018. Between her mutual passion with adoption and surrogacy, and her own personal history with adoption, Rachel is excited to research and share topics each week that will spread awareness and better serve the faithful patrons of Adoption Choices Inc.
When Rachel isn’t haunting her local Starbucks or Barnes and Noble, she’s avidly pouring over her Writer’s Digest subscription or cozying up with a cup of tea and book. She currently resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her beloved wife and Border Collie.