All About Adoptees
By Nicole Hatton
Do you ever wonder what adoption is like for the adoptee? There are numerous factors that influence an individual’s adoption experience. Each person embarks on their own unique journey. Additionally, each adoptee will have different personal relationships with their adoptive family and biological parents. There are also different backgrounds and situations that contribute to the decision to come to adoption. These could include an unplanned pregnancy, teen pregnancy, or the birth mother is not in a good position to parent. Whatever the case is, choosing adoption is a loving decision and can impact the child in tremendous ways. Keep reading to learn more about emotional challenges, understanding cultures, and family dynamics.
Who Are Adoptees?
Adoptees are anyone who is adopted into another family apart from their biological family. Through the legal adoption process, they belong to a different family. Adoptees can actually be any age, even adults! Adoptees can also be adopted from other countries and go through the international adoption process. Furthermore, adoptees can also come from a step-parent adoption in which they legally adopt their spouse’s child. When adoptees are older in age, they are often adopted through a foster care system. When it comes to adult adoptions, it can be done to establish legal inheritance rights. Overall, adoptees are legally considered the children of their adoptive parents.
Emotional Challenges That Adoptees Face
Everyone goes through their own adoption journey and may experience similar and different emotions during the adoption process. One aspect of adoption that may affect adoptees is learning more about their identity and culture. If the birth mother did not choose open adoption, then the adoptee would not have anyone to ask for answers. This can contribute to a feeling of detachment or loss from being disconnected from their biological family. Feelings of grief can come through at different stages in the adoptee’s life, including adolescence and adulthood. Emotions can also influence their relationships with others as they can develop attachment and trust issues. Potentially, going through adoption under different circumstances could also affect the adoptee’s self-esteem and worth. However, just because these emotions are valid and present in some adoptees, that does not mean that all adoptees share them. In fact, many adoptees may be too busy with other life events to pay as much attention to the details of their adoption story. Many adoptees are happy where they are and don’t think of their adoptive parents as any less real.
Support and Coping Strategies For Adoptees
Adoptees can receive more adoption info or work with local adoption agencies to help cope. There are numerous adoption agencies in Colorado that can connect birth mothers and peers to adoption specialists. Additionally, adoptees can sort out their emotions by going to therapy and other support groups. If they had an open adoption, having some open communication can also be beneficial for the birth parents and child to reconnect. Having honesty and trust from the beginning can lessen feelings of pain.
Understanding and Embracing Cultures
Another aspect of being an adoptee is learning about culture. While some adoptees have a connection with their birth parents through open adoption, others have to learn on their own. Adoptees can start by asking questions to their adoptive parents if they know anything or have any records. Outside of asking those whom you have personal connections with, there are many different resources online and through libraries. Additionally, you can attend different cultural events such as festivals, workshops, and other community events. Some of these events may hold cultural conversations where you can lead discussions on certain topics you’re interested in. If you are able to, you can also travel to the homeland if possible and possibly even meet extended family. Another thing that adoptees can do is to adopt similar habits. This can include learning the language if coming from another place, cooking traditional foods, and exploring art and music.
Different Family Dynamics Adoptees Can Be A Part Of
Family dynamics are strongly influenced by a combination of factors such as the adoptive family’s structure, level of openness, and more. One kind of family dynamic is nuclear, in which the adoptive parents have no other biological children. However, if the adoptive family already has biological children, then the new adoptee would be a part of a blended family. This type of dynamic involves integrating the new adoptee into their customs of living, which could be difficult at times. There are also transracial or transcultural family dynamics in which the adoptee is of a different cultural background than the adoptive parents. However, each family experience is unique, and adoptive families are diverse.
Extra Resources and Empowering Your Adoption Decision
If you have any other questions, feel free to reach out to local adoption agencies such as Adoption Choices of Colorado. Keep in mind that “giving your baby up for adoption” is not giving up on yourself or your baby. Adoption is a big decision and shows that you are considerate for having your child’s best interests at heart.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!