Adoption by a Family Member vs. Private Adoption in Colorado
Many women facing an unplanned pregnancy, and considering her options, ask if it’s possible for a friend or family member to adopt their baby. This is instead of placing the child for adoption through a private adoption agency. The short answer is yes, of course it’s possible. This may seem, at first, to be the perfect solution to a complicated situation — especially if someone in your family has expressed a willingness to adopt your baby. While there are some benefits of adoption by a family member vs. private adoption, a closer look reveals potential challenges that also need to be considered before you make your decision.
At Adoption Choices of Colorado, we want to make sure you have all of the information you need, as well as the support to make the right decision for both yourself and your baby.
Adoption by a Family Member can Seem Like an Ideal Choice
Having someone you already know and trust adopt your baby can help bring you peace of mind about how your baby will be raised. You may even be familiar with the way they live and what values matter to them. If they’re a major part of your life, you’ll likely see your baby regularly as he or she grows as well.
But, in reality, many of these apparent advantages need a closer look. It’s important that you make your decision for the right reasons and understand the real-life consequences of having a family member adopt your baby..
Your Needs and Your Baby’s Needs Come First in Adoption
Often, the idea to place your child for adoption by a family member is someone else’s idea. Some expectant mothers may feel pressured by their families to choose adoption by a family member vs. private adoption. It’s understandable to not want your family to feel disappointed or angry, but you shouldn’t feel pressured to make a decision because it’s what other people want for you.
If you’re feeling pressured to make such a decision, it’s time to stop and consider what’s best for you. Adoption Choices of Colorado will advocate for you and never pressure you one way or the other. We can provide adoption counselors to help you understand what your choices are and figure out what option best meets the needs of both you and your baby.
In addition to the emotional care and support you need as an expectant mother, carrying and delivering a baby requires medical care. Medical care for both you and your baby can be expensive, even with insurance. If a family member adopts your baby, they may be unwilling or unable to help you cover those medical expenses. With the help of an adoption agency, such as Adoption Choices of Colorado, we can connect you with resources to pay for proper medical care and help with necessary living expenses. In many cases, the adoptive parents will help with court-approved medical and living expenses, even if you don’t have insurance.
Agreeing on Expected Post-Adoption Contact through Adoption
There are a lot of feelings you might experience seeing your baby post adoption. Placing a baby for adoption is a hard decision and it’s natural to have strong feelings about it. One response isn’t more “right” than another. For some birth mothers, seeing their baby is a difficult reminder of their loss. Other women find comfort in having frequent contact with their baby and reassurance that their baby is happy and healthy.
If the family member who adopts your baby attends family gatherings, will that feel comfortable for all of you? What if the family member who adopts your baby chooses to move far away, limiting your contact, so that you cannot watch the baby as he or she grows? Adoption plans made through Adoption Choices of Colorado help you control the frequency and type of post-adoption contact that makes you feel the most comfortable.
Your Changing Role when a Family Member Adopts Your Baby
For some women, it may seem comforting to have your baby raised by someone you know. If you’re considering adoption by a family member vs. private adoption, think carefully about the role you expect to play in the child’s life as he or she grows up. In the past, it was common, especially for a baby born of a teenage pregnancy, to be hidden from the public eye. The baby would be raised often as a cousin or sibling of the birth mother, and, in many cases, never told the true nature of their relationship.
Although that level of deception and secrecy is less common than it once was, adoption by a family member is still a legal adoption, and that changes your relationship with both your baby and, potentially, the family member who adopts your baby. You will not be the child’s legal parent. Your child may be raised more like a cousin or sibling to you. You will not get a say in how your baby is raised, even if you’re in the same household. So, be sure to consider how you may feel when your child’s adoptive parents make parenting choices that differ from what you would want them to do. If you have future children, how might the adoptee view your relationship with your future children that you choose to parent?
Comfort in Knowing a Good Adoptive Family is Raising Your Baby
Choosing to place your baby for adoption by a family member vs. private adoption may seem like the only way to feel confident your baby is raised by a good family. Through Adoption Choices of Colorado, every potential adoptive parent is carefully screened to make sure your child is placed into loving and stable homes. Many of these adoptive families have waited a long time to adopt a baby and look forward to the opportunity to grow their family through adoption.
You, as the birth mother, receive quite a lot of information from possible adoptive families that helps you get to know them. When you make an adoption plan, you have a key role in choosing the adoptive family you want to adopt your baby.
Adoption is Complicated but a Rewarding Choice as a Birth Mother
If you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, you might feel scared and overwhelmed. Having someone you’ve known all of your life offer to help handle it may seem like a lifeline at first. But even among the most well-meaning family members, without professional help, things can go very wrong.
At Adoption Choices of Colorado, this is what we do. We fully understand the law as it applies to adoption. We can help protect you and advocate for you and your baby to get the care you both need. We can also help you create the right adoption plan. Your role in your baby’s life, the adoptive parents, and the amount of post-adoption contact with your child and the adoptive parents will all be a part of the adoption plan. We have the resources you need to find the solution that works best for you.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Meet the Author: After graduating from University of Michigan with a degree in Education, majoring in English and Social Sciences, Brianne Davis has spent her adult life as an educator; first in the public schools, later through martial arts. Her ability to convey difficult concepts, navigate varied learning styles, and always keep it interesting defined her reputation as an impactful instructor. Many of her early published blogs centered on the goal of helping other instructors effectively teach children for whom learning is a struggle. Once an empty nester, she committed to sitting in traffic less and writing more. With those goals in mind, she, along with her husband and dogs, packed up, sold their family home, and moved to the banks of the Columbia River in Central Washington’s wine country, where the pace of life is slower and the sun shines brighter. Realizing in our modern age, more of us turn to the internet for information than ever before, Brianne, now dedicates her time to educating others through blog writing.
As a life-long information junkie, Brianne enjoys taking deep dives into new topics, then condensing them in an interesting way to convey valuable information in a relatively short amount of space. Once her career, Brazilian jiu jitsu and mixed martial arts remain hobbies, along with boating, reading and traveling.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!