Adoption by a Family Member vs. Private Adoption in Colorado
Many women facing an unplanned pregnancy, and considering her options, ask if it’s possible for a friend or family member to adopt their baby. This is instead of placing the child for adoption through a private adoption agency. The short answer is yes, of course it’s possible. This may seem, at first, to be the perfect solution to a complicated situation — especially if someone in your family has expressed a willingness to adopt your baby. While there are some benefits of adoption by a family member vs. private adoption, a closer look reveals potential challenges that also need to be considered before you make your decision.
At Adoption Choices of Colorado, we want to make sure you have all of the information you need, as well as the support to make the right decision for both yourself and your baby.
Adoption by a Family Member can Seem Like an Ideal Choice
Having someone you already know and trust adopt your baby can help bring you peace of mind about how your baby will be raised. You may even be familiar with the way they live and what values matter to them. If they’re a major part of your life, you’ll likely see your baby regularly as he or she grows as well.
But, in reality, many of these apparent advantages need a closer look. It’s important that you make your decision for the right reasons and understand the real-life consequences of having a family member adopt your baby..
Your Needs and Your Baby’s Needs Come First in Adoption
Often, the idea to place your child for adoption by a family member is someone else’s idea. Some expectant mothers may feel pressured by their families to choose adoption by a family member vs. private adoption. It’s understandable to not want your family to feel disappointed or angry, but you shouldn’t feel pressured to make a decision because it’s what other people want for you.
If you’re feeling pressured to make such a decision, it’s time to stop and consider what’s best for you. Adoption Choices of Colorado will advocate for you and never pressure you one way or the other. We can provide adoption counselors to help you understand what your choices are and figure out what option best meets the needs of both you and your baby.
In addition to the emotional care and support you need as an expectant mother, carrying and delivering a baby requires medical care. Medical care for both you and your baby can be expensive, even with insurance. If a family member adopts your baby, they may be unwilling or unable to help you cover those medical expenses. With the help of an adoption agency, such as Adoption Choices of Colorado, we can connect you with resources to pay for proper medical care and help with necessary living expenses. In many cases, the adoptive parents will help with court-approved medical and living expenses, even if you don’t have insurance.
Agreeing on Expected Post-Adoption Contact through Adoption
There are a lot of feelings you might experience seeing your baby post adoption. Placing a baby for adoption is a hard decision and it’s natural to have strong feelings about it. One response isn’t more “right” than another. For some birth mothers, seeing their baby is a difficult reminder of their loss. Other women find comfort in having frequent contact with their baby and reassurance that their baby is happy and healthy.
If the family member who adopts your baby attends family gatherings, will that feel comfortable for all of you? What if the family member who adopts your baby chooses to move far away, limiting your contact, so that you cannot watch the baby as he or she grows? Adoption plans made through Adoption Choices of Colorado help you control the frequency and type of post-adoption contact that makes you feel the most comfortable.
Your Changing Role when a Family Member Adopts Your Baby
For some women, it may seem comforting to have your baby raised by someone you know. If you’re considering adoption by a family member vs. private adoption, think carefully about the role you expect to play in the child’s life as he or she grows up. In the past, it was common, especially for a baby born of a teenage pregnancy, to be hidden from the public eye. The baby would be raised often as a cousin or sibling of the birth mother, and, in many cases, never told the true nature of their relationship.
Although that level of deception and secrecy is less common than it once was, adoption by a family member is still a legal adoption, and that changes your relationship with both your baby and, potentially, the family member who adopts your baby. You will not be the child’s legal parent. Your child may be raised more like a cousin or sibling to you. You will not get a say in how your baby is raised, even if you’re in the same household. So, be sure to consider how you may feel when your child’s adoptive parents make parenting choices that differ from what you would want them to do. If you have future children, how might the adoptee view your relationship with your future children that you choose to parent?
Comfort in Knowing a Good Adoptive Family is Raising Your Baby
Choosing to place your baby for adoption by a family member vs. private adoption may seem like the only way to feel confident your baby is raised by a good family. Through Adoption Choices of Colorado, every potential adoptive parent is carefully screened to make sure your child is placed into loving and stable homes. Many of these adoptive families have waited a long time to adopt a baby and look forward to the opportunity to grow their family through adoption.
You, as the birth mother, receive quite a lot of information from possible adoptive families that helps you get to know them. When you make an adoption plan, you have a key role in choosing the adoptive family you want to adopt your baby.
Adoption is Complicated but a Rewarding Choice as a Birth Mother
If you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, you might feel scared and overwhelmed. Having someone you’ve known all of your life offer to help handle it may seem like a lifeline at first. But even among the most well-meaning family members, without professional help, things can go very wrong.
At Adoption Choices of Colorado, this is what we do. We fully understand the law as it applies to adoption. We can help protect you and advocate for you and your baby to get the care you both need. We can also help you create the right adoption plan. Your role in your baby’s life, the adoptive parents, and the amount of post-adoption contact with your child and the adoptive parents will all be a part of the adoption plan. We have the resources you need to find the solution that works best for you.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about your adoption options, contact Adoption Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Meet the Author: After graduating from University of Michigan with a degree in Education, majoring in English and Social Sciences, Brianne Davis has spent her adult life as an educator; first in the public schools, later through martial arts. Her ability to convey difficult concepts, navigate varied learning styles, and always keep it interesting defined her reputation as an impactful instructor. Many of her early published blogs centered on the goal of helping other instructors effectively teach children for whom learning is a struggle. Once an empty nester, she committed to sitting in traffic less and writing more. With those goals in mind, she, along with her husband and dogs, packed up, sold their family home, and moved to the banks of the Columbia River in Central Washington’s wine country, where the pace of life is slower and the sun shines brighter. Realizing in our modern age, more of us turn to the internet for information than ever before, Brianne, now dedicates her time to educating others through blog writing.
As a life-long information junkie, Brianne enjoys taking deep dives into new topics, then condensing them in an interesting way to convey valuable information in a relatively short amount of space. Once her career, Brazilian jiu jitsu and mixed martial arts remain hobbies, along with boating, reading and traveling.