5 Simple Ways to Bond with Your Gestational Carrier (Surrogate)
It’s too easy to mistake an agreement between you, the intended parents, and your surrogate as a business arrangement and nothing more. A legal contract written up and signed with your attorney present. But, choosing a surrogate to help grow and deliver your baby is so much more than that. It’s a lifelong connection between all of you. Yes, there are definite business and legal aspects involved, yet women who choose to become surrogates aren’t focused on the monetary part. Rather, they are selflessly giving of themselves to help you become the parents you dream of being.
Imagine it this way. Carrying your baby is something that makes her very happy, because she knows she’s helping you build a family. She enjoys the magic of pregnancy, and receives her true reward when she places your son or daughter in your arms for the first time. Money is just a bonus. This is very important to keep in mind. If you’re unsure of how to establish a healthy relationship with your surrogate, Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado has five simple ways to bond with her.
1) Communicate
From start to finish, communicate with her. No question is too big, too small or too silly. Ask anything and everything you want to know. This will be especially important when you are first screening candidates, to ensure if you all blend well together. After all, when everything is signed, you can’t backpedal. You’re locked in. Learn her likes, dislikes. What makes her tick. Her stressors. Anxieties. What makes her happy. Communication is essential. Every step of the way. It’ll ensure you’re always on the same page.
2) Get Together
Do you live close to each other? Schedule times that you can meet up. Hang out together. Once a week, once a month. Whatever works best for all of you. As long as travel does not impede you in any way — meet up on a regular basis. Allowing yourselves that real, in-person, face-to-face contact will make a huge difference. Despite all the methods of technology available, it remains the most authentic way for you to establish a strong, healthy relationship, and to truly know each other. To build trust, as well. For, trust is the most vital aspect to have in a successful surrogacy agreement. Above any other element. So, grab a meal together. See a movie. Visit a park or the zoo. Go bowling. Whatever you decide, getting together is a simple way to bond with your surrogate mother.
3) Schedule Phone or Video Calls
With how busy everyone’s lives, and how quickly our calendars seem to fill up, don’t hesitate to schedule a phone or video call if you can’t meet up in person. There are free apps available that make this simple and straightforward. To name a few: Skype, ZOOM, and WhatsApp. Google has their own version of a video chat called Google Hangouts. Or, if you’d prefer and your phone has a good camera, FaceTime is also a viable option.
4) Work with Time Zones
If you have chosen to use, or have been matched with a surrogate out of state, be mindful of each other’s time zones. Particularly when you’re looking to schedule the aforementioned phone or video call. You’ll want to make sure that you’re accounting for however many hours difference it is between you and your gestational surrogate.
5) Share in the Journey
There are so many things that go into the surrogacy journey. It’s important to be as involved as you can. Don’t forget to communicate how grateful you are to your surrogate. Talk to her about attending her doctor appointments, so you can experience all the major milestones of the pregnancy with her.
Simple Ways to Bond in Surrogacy in Colorado
Treat your surrogate the way you’d want to be treated. Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado understands that this may seem too simplistic, but believe us. Even the smallest gestures will go a long way. It doesn’t take much. Especially when you think about the treasure that your surrogate is gifting you — a son or daughter. She has been screened, selected, and wants the very best for your family. That’s huge. Priceless.
So, if you find yourself growing frustrated with the details of the surrogacy journey, and stressed about the legal and business aspect, take a step back. Remind yourself what your gestational surrogate is helping you build, and do everything you can to bond with her.
If you are interested in learning more about your gestational surrogacy options, contact Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Text us: 720-371-1099, Call us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!