5 Questions for Gestational Carriers to Ask Intended Parents
The relationship between gestational carriers and intended parents can be an extremely rewarding one. Gestational carriers are not only helping intended parents achieve their dream of having children, but they are also entering into a relationship that lasts at least a year and could be lifelong! As a gestational carrier, communication between you and the intended parents is vital for keeping a positive, mutually beneficial relationship.
When first discussing with intended parents, there are many questions that you can ask to see if they are a good match. Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado will outline five examples of questions to ask intended parents, as well as why they are important.
Questions to Ask Intended Parents
There will be many conversations that occur between gestational carriers and intended parents throughout the surrogacy process. However, the first conversations that gestational carriers and intended parents have together can reveal a lot about their relationship moving forward. In order to have a smooth and helpful conversation, five possible questions that gestational carriers can ask intended parents include:
- What is your family like?
As a gestational carrier, it may seem daunting at first to begin an early conversation with prospective intended parents. One good way to facilitate the conversation is to ask about the intended parents’ family, or why they’d like to have children. Chances are intended parents are very much looking forward to having children of their own, and are extremely passionate about this topic as well. Asking about the intended parents’ family is one good way to open up a conversation about values and to ensure that you could see yourself being a gestational carrier for the family. This can also help to form a relationship between you and the intended parents, especially if there are similarities you identify between your family and theirs!
- What does your preferred surrogacy timeline look like?
When planning for the gestational surrogacy process, ensuring that you and the intended parents have similar expectations for when you are hoping to begin the pregnancy is extremely important. Because many intended parents have been waiting and hoping to have children for a very long time, they may be extremely eager to have a child as soon as possible. As a gestational carrier, it is important to see if your schedule lines up well with the timeline that the intended parents are hoping to have. Whether or not you are in a good place to begin the gestational surrogacy process immediately can be an important topic to discuss with intended parents.
- What are you looking to include in our gestational surrogacy contract?
Establishing a gestational surrogacy contract is extremely important in protecting both gestational carriers and intended parents. Typically, once a match between gestational carriers and intended parents has been made, you will negotiate a gestational surrogacy contract together. Making sure that you and the intended parents are on the same page for what you are looking to include before the gestational surrogacy process begins is very important in ensuring a smooth and uncomplicated relationship.
- What are your expectations during the pregnancy?
Understanding what intended parents expect from you as a gestational carrier, as well as how involved they plan to be throughout the gestational surrogacy process, is very important to assuring a positive experience during the actual pregnancy. If intended parents’ expectations align closely with those of your own, you have all the more reason to expect that the match is favorable. However, it can be difficult for both gestational carriers and intended parents if these expectations do not align. It is important to ensure that what you want from the intended parents during the pregnancy is very close to what the intended parents are expecting for during the pregnancy as well.
- What kind of relationship are you looking to have after the gestational surrogacy process?
When discussing the gestational surrogacy process with prospective intended parents, understanding their expectations for your relationship in the future is very important to ensuring a good match. Some intended parents may want to maintain a very close relationship with you, even long after the child is born, because they are so grateful for the help that you provided in their gestational surrogacy journey. However, other intended parents may not be interested in this kind of relationship, and would prefer to limit the relationship to during the pregnancy instead. Both of these choices are completely acceptable on their end. As a gestational carrier, though, it is important for you to understand what you are looking for in your relationship with intended parents and to see if these expectations line up.
Finding a Match with Intended Parents
Ensuring that the match between gestational carriers and intended parents is strong is vital to having a positive gestational surrogacy process. At Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado, we can aid in matching you with intended parents that are a good fit. However, it is important to communicate with them to make sure that the experience is as rewarding as possible.
Along with these questions to ask intended parents, there are numerous ways to get to know them and see if you would work well together. We would love to support you through the journey of matching with intended parents and ensuring you are a good fit!
If you are interested in surrogacy and want to learn more about your options, contact Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Colorado by email, phone, or text: Email Us, Call us: 720-371-1099, Call or Text us: 303-670-4673 (HOPE). If you are hoping to adopt, please contact us here.
Meet the Author: Ashley Nies is an undergraduate student at Stanford University who is studying Human Biology and Political Science. Ashley is largely interested in various aspects of health and healthcare, and writes about these topics. She has taken classes on rhetoric, ethics and social media in health, as well as other creative writing classes during her freshman year at Stanford.
Ashley is from Las Vegas, Nevada, and considers herself to be fun-loving and adventurous. She values the importance of combining STEM with liberal arts education and hopes to integrate these in her writing.
Stephanie joined the Adoption Choices family in 2014 as the Child Placement Supervisor. Her love for adoption began in first grade when she made friends with twins adopted from Vietnam. Her heart grew strong over the years for adopted children and ultimately led her to graduate school where she continued her focus to her dream of working in the adoption field. Stephanie earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver in 2001. Over the past 15 years, Stephanie has worked as a pregnancy counselor and as an adoptive parent counselor for foster care, international adoption and domestic adoption, writing hundreds of home studies for families, and helping build their forever families. Stephanie is married and has three boys ages 12, 9, and 5. Together with her family she enjoys riding bike, playing games, watching her three sons compete in their various sporting and musical activities and go on vacations.
Christy Ikeler, is our Executive Director and Birth Parent Director. Christy has been with Adoption Choices Team for 18 years, since opening the doors in 2002! Christy has a true passion for what she does and her true love is working with and helping each birth parent. Whether she is up all night on the phone talking with them, taking them to doctors appointments, out for their favorite treat, providing counseling or at the hospital during labor and delivery, Christy is very involved every step of the way. She has a contagious laugh and a spunky personality that our birth moms all can bond with and relate to. As an adoptive parent herself, adoption holds a very special place in her heart and she can relate on every level with both birth parents and adoptive parents. In her free time Christy loves spending time with her daughter, gardening, baking and taking vacations with her family. Christy is an excellent leader for our team at Adoption Choices and is truly one of a kind!! As Executive Director, Christy spends time with the staff, birth parents and adoptive families in order to ensure that the agency is running smoothly. She has placed a huge emphasis on community outreach and programs for birth parents. Christy loves the opportunity to lead the agency into a brighter future.
Ms. Mackenzie has built a successful counseling career over the past 20 years, supporting mothers and families, people of all ages and genders, students, community professionals and fellow clinicians. Liv values a diverse professional focus, including the entrepreneurial life of a sole proprietor, the evaluative process of certifying foster/adoptive homes, the insightful and mindful one-on-one one work with enthusiastic clients, and serving as an advocate for underserved populations. Liv is a Licensed Professional Counselor and holds a BA in Pre-Law and Economics from American University, an MA in Counseling from Adams University and a certificate in Human Resource Management from Villanova University. Away from work you will find Liv spending time in nature, biking to the farmer’s market and adventuring with her family.
Catherine A. Madsen, joined the Adoption Choices family as legal counsel in 2013. Catherine is responsible for providing legal guidance to the Agency, training and updating staff on developments in adoption law and legislation, and program development. Catherine
Virginia Frank is an adoption attorney accredited since 1991 with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Ms. Frank is a leader in the field of private adoption and has completed over 4,000 adoptions in her career. Ms. Frank has a law degree from Oklahoma City University and a BA in both Political Science and Communications from the University of Oklahoma.
Cassidie has been with Adoption Choices since 2015, she has her bachelors in Interdisciplinary Affairs with concentrations in both Sociology and Business Management. Cassidie has additional training in Victim Advocacy, foster care and has been working in women’s services for over 10 years. Cassidie has always had a heart for adoption and it was her career dream to work in adoption. She started off doing volunteer work for advocacy programs, adoption organizations and worked in High Risk Maternal Fetal Medicine through the University of Colorado Hospital and Children’s Hospital of Colorado. Cassidie is also blessed to have personally experienced an adoption of her own in 2012, completing her family of five! Cassidie loves what she does as a case worker from initial phone calls, meetings, doctor appointments, interaction with the adoptive families to delivery and counseling. Cassidie has a passion for those in need and strives to help make a difference in the lives of the people she meets. She is a firm believer in being kind, compassionate and open minded in all situations. “Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, there’s no place for judgment. A kind word or compliment can go a long way!” The bittersweet moments in adoption reminds Cassidie each and every time, why she loves what she does!